On Choosing Life
Let there be no mistake about it. I am absolutely, without a doubt, pro-life.
After the release of The Pregnancy Companion we were told by a high-profile Christian family ministry that they could not partner with us because “they did not share our views on abortion.” As you can imagine, this came as quite a surprise to us since we don’t address abortion in the book {after all, it is about pregnancy} besides mentioning that a D&C to remove a miscarried baby is in no way an abortion. It was frustrating, to say the least, that these Christian leaders did not engage us enough to understand our passionate hearts for babies and mamas – our whole motivation for creating these books and this community. Although I’ve always considered myself “pro-life”, I hadn’t thought much about my position on choosing life - even after this annoying accusation – until recently.
Last night I attended a memorial service that no one should ever have to bear. When my mother-in-law died from ALS at the age of 61, we said it was too soon, and it was. What do you say when a baby is taken before she ever graces the earth with her pure and precious soul? It’s too soon. A gross understatement.
As I sat and wept with my friends who said goodbye to their baby girl the day she was born into their arms, lifeless, I was amazed by their strength. This is a couple who I highly respect. Two people who are constantly giving to others, who carry joy within their daily lives no matter the circumstances and who are driven by their deep faith. Their journey over the past 4 months since they learned their unborn baby girl had Trisomy 13, has been inspirational. So focused on allowing their process to minister to others and ultimately bring glory to God, these two have amazed me.
Last night was no exception. In the midst of an extremely emotional service, they exemplified what it truly means to walk in faith.
As I’ve grieved with them over the past week I’ve been asking the Lord the typical why? and how could this be? questions. Thing is. . .I know the answer. I understand, albeit with shallow depth, that we live in a fallen world and these devastating circumstances are part of it. But I found myself crying out to him on their behalf, But they didn’t get to choose! As I uttered those words about choice, I believe he revealed to me that the same brokenness that takes away their choice, begs to offer another mother hers.
I wouldn’t dare try to turn my friends’ devastation into a political discussion. But I feel compelled to share with you this revelation. If you believe a woman should have the choice whether to keep or terminate her pregnancy then perhaps you are reading the wrong blog right now. We are a faith-based ministry and we believe in the sanctity of life from it’s very beginning. We believe that all life has a purpose beyond this earth and that God is the author of that purpose. Please do not attack this post trying to alter our beliefs. Simply move on and let the rest of us ponder in peace.
It required the same strength and faith in the midst of fear for my friends to choose joy and peace in their circumstances as it would take for a mother to choose life in the midst of an unwanted or feared pregnancy. I have been so broken by the fact that my friends didn’t get to choose life for their child and countless mothers do have the chance to choose life for their unborn babies every day. I realize that these mothers may be facing devastating or scary circumstances surrounding their pregnancy. I get that they may not have planned it. My friends didn’t plan their circumstances either. This precious couple also faced fear of the unknown, an incredible adjustment in their lives and a circumstance that was grossly outside of what they had dreamed.
I’m not trying to compare losing a child to contemplating an unplanned pregnancy as if they were identical situations. I’m merely processing the realization that brokenness takes on many forms. No matter what it looks like in our own lives, we all have a choice. The choice of life, for some, is very literal. For many it’s about choosing joy and hope in the midst of fear and grief. It’s about choosing to trust and walk peacefully down an unknown road knowing that we are not alone.
This sweet couple could easily be walking in bitterness. They could be angry and confused and without hope. They could have allowed this loss to bury them in grief. Instead, they are a testimony. They are living proof that God is near to the brokenhearted. I wish the same peace and closeness of Christ for anyone going through a loss like this or any loss for that matter. I pray the same strength would rise up in mothers who are facing the choice of whether or not to choose life for their child. Each and every circumstance is different {which is why I hate the politics that must surround the issue of life} but the truth remains. All of the strength and hope we need to make the right choices is available to us in Christ. And we are all one choice away from really living. Everyday.
The truth is. . .my friends did have a choice. And they chose life.
Related posts:
- Finding Life in Death, Hope in Sorrow
- As Seasons Give Way to Life {In Honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss}
- He Gives and Takes Away
- Unique Pregnancy, Unique Life
- Beyond Words {giveaway}
I consider myself pro-choice, but I have struggled with it since my pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant at 4 1/2 months, and was so mad at myself and so mad about the situation, my first thought was abortion. I held fast to that through the whole dr appointment, scheduling my ultrasound, listening to the heartbeat. It wasn’t till the next day, and I felt something in my stomach. I called my doctor, thinking I was miscarrying or something, he laughed and told me it was just baby kicks. I wept. I cry now as I type this thinking about it. From the first sonogram a week after finding out to her 12th week of life, I am continually humbled by the gift of her. I had a friend who had an abortion two days after my daughter was born, and it broke my heart. I understand the reasons to some degree, but for me, it is life that grows within, it has virtually no say or choice in its own existence, and there are so many women who struggle to conceive, that my mind has begun a gradual shift. I can’t quite explain it yet, but I think it takes motherhood to really understand the arguments on pro-life or pro-choice. It takes hearing that heartbeat and knowing that child was placed into your protection and your heart for a reason (in my mind there has to be a reason, as a regular birth control user), and the consequences to fully understand. People like your friends humble me, to keep a child and for it to grow knowing you would lose it, is such a powerful display of love and faith in God.
Beth, Thank you for sharing your journey with us here. It’s so amazing how pregnancy and motherhood opens our eyes and our hearts. Glad to connect with you here. Blessings to you and your little girl!
I am so very sorry that your friends have lost their baby. I too have walked this same journey and if they ever need someone to talk too, who has ‘been there’, please let them know there are so many mama’s like me who are more than happy to reach out and listen. Sometimes, knowing you are not alone in an experience, is just comforting. Stillbirth is, still birth and living a life without your baby means their grief is going to be a roller coaster ride without a time limit. Even with powerful faith . . . God does carry us . . . but we still live in a world that so often doesn’t understand this pain and can make it hard in many ways.
Celebrating life, even the life that has gone too soon, is a wonderful way to help honor this child, this family, and this journey that only they can walk. I hope they continue to hear their child’s name spoken out loud from family and friends who love them and will help them remember how much this little one is loved by all who know them.
Stephanie recently posted..New Art ~ Baby Sucking Thumb in-utero
Thank you Stephanie. I know you understand. I am definitely going to refer her to all you girls are doing to minister to baby loss moms. So thankful for you all!
Wonderful post, Jess! I agree with you wholeheartedly and I will be praying for your sweet friends!
Absolutely. To choose life…even in the face of death…is both courageous and rewarding. I know other parents who have made the same choice, and it’s always been a blessing in the end to have enjoyed every minute they could with their child. Few things grip my heart more than the issue of abortion and the damage it does to both unborn children and the women who carry them. Thank you for taking a stand.
Thank you Kristi. Appreciate you being here in our community!
I feel for you & your friends. Within the past month I have had a friend whose 6yr old daughter took the hand of Jesus & went home to be with him. She had CHD and had several surgeries and was doing great, but while playing at her favorite place she stopped showing that beautiful smile, dimples and shining eyes.
Also,a beautiful third cousin who sooo has wanted a baby lost her baby just a few weeks after finding out she was pregnant. She is still having such a hard time dealing with this loss. Keep her in prayer please. I pray that God will allow her to have another and will carry it full term and be healthy.
Thank you for you sharing your heart. God help those who misunderstood your views and I pray they reread and change their hearts about supporting you.
Beautiful post, my sweet friend.
Dr. Rupe recently posted..On Choosing Life
This is such a great perspective. We must all choose life everday.