Hey girls!

We’re looking for quotes from real moms for the book! What one nugget of truth (spiritual or practical) would you like to share with future mommies-to-be? Post a comment here or visit our Facebook page to post a comment. Please let us know your first name, age and how many children you have. Please also let us know if you will allow us to use the quote in the book.

Thanks for giving us your input. We know each and every one of you has something wise to share!

Love,

Last week I received my insurance statement from my ER visit and surgery. I don’t know if I hadn’t really dealt with this fully but seeing that piece of paper with all of those charges and credits and balances triggered something in me. I was angry. Although I am very thankful to have insurance, it seemed unfair to have to shell out $1500 for nothing. I suppose the reality of my loss hit me harder when there was a dollar sign attached to it. What does that say about me? As I processed my emotions I realized that part of what I was feeling was foolishness for thinking that I could get pregnant without the measures we had to take for Hope. And if I’m completely honest, I felt foolish that I ever thought I could be healed of infertility like my other girlfriends who walked the road with me. Both of my infertility companions have conceived and delivered very healthy babies by surprise. I figured that would not be my story but I had hoped that maybe, just maybe this time at least we wouldn’t need to go to the fertility clinic. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled for my girlfriends who have this testimony to tell. Those surprise, miracle babies are precious and I love them dearly. I secretly hoped I would join them with my own story. Obviously, I will not.

I am very aware that the Lord writes a different story for the journey of each one of us. If I’ve done anything foolish it’s compare myself to others along the way. I will pay the hospital bills when they come in and I’ll move on, trusting that He will provide the way for our next baby.

A few days after coming to terms with what I was feeling I had lunch with my dear friend who works for Compassion International. She shared with me about their child survival program. This program offers expectant mothers in developing countries support through prenatal, postnatal and infant care. The sponsorship covers these mothers and babies until the child is 4 years old or eligible for Compassion’s child sponsorship program. I had no idea this existed. I immediately became excited to support this effort. Here I am complaining that I had to pay $1500 to have my life saved and these mothers are desperate for the minimal care it would take to save their life and the life of their baby. I plan to talk more about this effort on the blog and maybe even in the book. Now more than ever I am very passionate about expectant mothers and babies being given the best care possible. I encourage you to read more about this program at www.rescuebabiesnow.org

I received quite a kick in the butt from the Lord after this encounter. I am so thankful that He showed me this opportunity because it caused me to quickly put things in perspective. He is forever trying to push us to look beyond ourselves to the many needs around us.

Will you stop and ask Him what He wants to show you through all you are experiencing right now? You might be surprised at what He reveals. Are you ready to look beyond yourself?

Since Dr. Rupe recently posted about why we were embarking on this journey, I thought I’d share the story I recently recorded in the manuscript of how the idea of this book came to be. . .

{From Chapter 5}

I want to share with you a story from a time in my pregnancy where God pretty much whipped my butt into shape regarding worry. Actually, it’s a funny story, which shows you that God cares enough about our thoughts and our peace of mind to lovingly and laughingly discipline us from time to time.

Keep in mind my first two pregnancies did not make it past 12 weeks. After two miscarriages I was understandably on guard when it came to anything out of the ordinary. I was 19 weeks pregnant and we were getting ready for church one Sunday morning when suddenly I sneezed. This was a big ole sneeze and as I let it out something abnormal happened. I felt a little fluid down below and so I did what any post-miscarriage, 19-week pregnant mom-to-be would do – I referred to my “pregnancy bible.” “If you feel leaking fluid,” the book explained, “you may have broken or punctured your amniotic sac. Call your doctor immediately.” I put the book down and dialed Dr. Rupe’s office. Since it was a Sunday, I received a return phone call from one of Dr. Rupe’s colleagues. I explained what happened and that I wondered if I was leaking amniotic fluid. She obviously didn’t know my history when she candidly replied, “If you are, then there’s nothing we can do to save the baby at this point. But come in to the ER so we can check you out.” You can imagine my tension level while driving 20 minutes to the ER. My husband and I didn’t say one word to each other but we both knew the scenarios running through each of our minds. We arrived at the ER and they completed an ultrasound. To our delight they discovered that everything was fine with our baby and my amniotic sac. In fact, I had merely peed in my pants upon sneezing, an embarrassing side effect for many expectant moms. I’ve never been more excited to have peed in my pants in my life (not that I’ve otherwise done it too often). We laughed the entire way home and I knew the Lord was smiling down on me saying, “Why can’t you just trust me?”

Days later I realized there was a great need in the market for a resource like this. I approached Dr. Rupe and naturally she agreed to join me on this ride. We are so excited to have the opportunity to share truth and peaceful perspective with pregnant women. We pray that many will be blessed by our effort.

Pray for us! We spend most of the day Monday combing through this thing. We have 7 days to wrap it up.

Today, when I was in the office, I went in to see a sweet patient who was 30 weeks pregnant. Reviewing her chart, she was very low risk and had had no problems with her pregnancy. Her exam was fine. The baby’s heartbeat was healthy and strong. We chatted for a little bit, then I asked if she had any questions.
She seemed to hesitate, but then asked almost sheepishly, “Are you really sure everything is OK?”
I replied that, yes, everything was going fine.
“I don’t know.” She replied. “Since my first pregnancy was a miscarriage, I just keep worrying that something is going to go wrong, like it did before. With every twinge I brace myself that it might be preterm labor. When I get up to go to the bathroom at night, I turn on the lights so I can double check I’m not bleeding.” Her anxiety was nearly palpable.
I spent several minutes trying to reassure her with facts. Having one miscarriage was not going to increase her risk of complications this pregnancy. I felt saddened that she had let misinformation add so significantly to her anxiety. She had no risk factors for preterm delivery, so her chances of that would be extremely low at this point. She seemed a little better after my explanation, but I could sense that worry was still going to be her nemesis this pregnancy.
After she had left and I finished charting, I realized that she was exactly why we were writing this book. She needed my reassuring facts, accurate information, but also she needed peace. That is our hope, to help women walk through their pregnancies with an added level of peace; to be appropriately cautious without being scared; to enjoy their belly bulge and not worry about stretch mark; and to feel a level of comfort that can only be found as they bathe themselves in God’s Word.

You probably thought you were done with my roller coaster ride, didn’t you?! It’s not quite over yet.

After finding out we were definitely miscarrying, I bled for a week and started to begin feeling more like myself. I was looking forward to this ordeal being over when all of a sudden I began feeling the most horrible pain I have ever felt. I went through the weekend thinking my digestive system was out of whack or my body was just working overtime to release this pregnancy. On Monday morning, after passing out twice from the pain or loss of blood or something, we decided to take a visit to the ER.

My faithful friend and doctor met me there on her day off (so sorry Heather). They did an exam and another ultrasound and discovered that I was experiencing an ectopic or tubal pregnancy. Apparently, I had conceived twins. One made it to my uterus but never fully formed. The other implanted in my fallopian tube and began to grow. My tube ruptured and caused all of the pain I had been feeling through the weekend.

I had surgery on Monday afternoon. I felt so at peace knowing I was in Dr. Rupe’s capable hands. She did have to remove one of my tubes because the damage was not repairable. It will take about a week to recover from the surgery but I already feel so much better than before.

I am so thankful that God protected me through this experience. This really could have had long term effects on me and my reproductive abilities (as if they weren’t damaged enough!). There are moments when I want God to give me a clear answer as to why this was necessary. But I can’t make myself crazy wondering why. I just need to trust Him. This will likely prolong the process of our conceiving again. I have a great peace about that as well. He has proven this His timing is perfect so I can’t fight that. I must surrender to His sovereignty.

Thanks for joining me on this ride. If nothing else, I hope a glimpse into my experience will show you that life is truly a miracle and that although things don’t always go our way, God is loving and faithful and He will carry us through.

It’s been quite a roller coaster the past week. We found out on Friday that this pregnancy is definitely not viable. I am disappointed and frustrated yet I feel very peaceful. I have asked the Lord why is was necessary for us to go through this again. I don’t have an answer just yet and I may never have one. What I do know for sure is that He is God and as much as I don’t understand His ways, they are higher than mine.

We visited a church this weekend where the pastor is currently teaching on Genesis 3 – the fall of man. He spoke about how there is something wrong with everything in the world because of the decision Adam and Eve made to disobey God. He pointed out that in God’s response to Eve He told her she would have pain in childbirth. He expounded on that consequence and suggested that it would include pain and struggle in conception, pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. Thanks a lot Eve, you really screwed this up for me, didn’t you?! I guess in some small way, studying the fall of man like this gave a bit of purpose to what I am going through right now.

As much as I hate to admit it, there will probably not be a new baby in our family in 2010. Being the planner that I am, I had many ideas of how I wanted this year to look. Going through a loss like this not only hurts my heart, it hurts the calendar of events I so carefully planned for this year. I don’t know why I haven’t learned by now that I need to stop planning and just allow Him to lead me day by day towards the promises I know He will fulfill. Obviously when you deal with infertility there has to be a bit more to it than “let’s just go off the pill and see what happens.” Still, I need to learn to live somewhere in between.

I hope that my response to this setback will be encouraging to others. I want women to know that it’s OK to be disappointed. It’s OK to wonder why. The important thing is not to stay in that place. Believe me, I have been wrestling with God this week. But at the end of the day I am left feeling completely peaceful that He is faithful and that He loves us and will provide another baby for our family. I would be inhuman if I didn’t feel disappointed, sad, and frustrated through these circumstances. But because of God’s great grace in my life, I can overcome those emotions and live in faith that He is who He says He is.

For those of you interested in the medical side of what’s been going on. . .I guess you could say the baby never materialized. I suppose sperm fertilized egg but it did not go much beyond that. I’m sure Dr. Rupe can shed more light on the subject but that is my understanding. So what’s next? Well my body went into pregnancy mode so now we wait for it to get the message that it’s not happening. It could take a couple of weeks for my HCG hormone levels to go back to zero. Then we wait for my cycle to start and we try all over again. This could take several weeks so we’ll spend more time on the blog talking about other aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and the book in the coming weeks.

We would appreciate your prayers as we look to wrap up the manuscript in the next month. This miscarriage has been a bit of a set back as I’ve not been up for writing lately. I feel like I am almost back in the game so I’ll get cracking this week.

Continuing to Hope,

This is a post I had hoped and prayed I would not have to write. I suppose since I agreed to walk out this pregnancy journey in front of all of you, I had to be ready for this.

I’ve longed for years to be one of those girls that was surprised by a pregnancy. I’ve dreamed of saying, “Oh wow. I’m pregnant. I had no idea.” Or, “Oops. I’m pregnant. Wasn’t planning that.” I figured that would never be my story but I always wondered. Yesterday, I came a tiny bit closer to this reality, although it’s not turning out like I had hoped.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I was to start taking Provera last week to jump start my cycle. This was our course of action after thinking I had not ovulated last month. After taking the Provera and waiting for my cycle to begin, I was met with nothing more than a little spotting. I called Dr. Rupe to ask about this and she told me to go ahead and start the next round of Clomid as the spotting could be considered a “period.” She suggested I take a pregnancy test first just to be certain. I’m sure you know where this is going.

After years of day dreaming about how I would respond to a surprise, positive pregnancy test, I was finally given the opportunity to react. I called out to Dave and showed him the stick which adorned very clear, double, pink lines. I was giddy thinking this was God’s way of delighting in me by giving me this silly heart’s desire. I was giddy for about five minutes – the time between my first, surprise, positive pregnancy test and when I started bleeding. Twenty four hours later I am still bleeding and as experience would suggest I am likely in the middle of my third miscarriage.

I hope I don’t sound faithless to be confessing miscarriage before I even know for sure. I have been wrestling with the Lord today going from hope to anger to sheer disappointment. I know He can do anything and I trust that He will if this baby is His plan. But if you’ve ever experienced anything like this before, you know then that you have to be prepared for whatever the answer. So I am doing just that. . .spending time talking with God so I can better understand His heart in all this. My simple, human mind cannot comprehend how He would allow us to go through this again. But then, how could He allow the poor nation of Haiti to endure all that they’ve gone through in the past few months? Who am I to question His sovereignty? More so, who am I to question His goodness?

As I began this day, my heart was filled with questions and some fear. I opened my new, favorite devotional book and read,

“Trust and thankfulness will get you safely through this day. Trust protects you from worrying and obsessing. Thankfulness keeps you from criticizing and complaining, those sister sins that so easily entangle you. Keeping your eyes on Me is the same thing as trusting Me. It is a free choice that you must make thousands of times daily. The more you choose to trust me, the easier it becomes. Thought patterns of trust become etched in your brain. Relegate troubles to the periphery of your mind so that I can be central in your thoughts. Thus you focus on Me, entrusting your concerns into my care.” Sarah Young – Jesus Calling

Thank you for your prayers as we await His answer. No matter what the outcome, He is faithful.

With my eyes fixed on Him,

There are just so many myths about the birth control pill I barely know where to start, but I wanted to address a few of the more common ones. One of the most common questions I get is:

“I’ve been on the pill for 2 years, so how long will I need to go off the pill before I want to get pregnant?”

The answer is 2 months.

“But I’ve been on the pill for 5 years, so how long will I need to go off the pill before I want to get pregnant?”

The answer is 2 months.

But I’ve been on the pill for 10 years, so how long will I need to go off the pill before I want to get pregnant?”

The answer is 2 months.

The good (or bad ) thing about the pill is that it has a short “half life.” It is only in your system for about 24 hours. That’s how people get ‘pregnant on the pill,’ they miss one or two and their ovary slips out an egg. There is not some kind of tolerance that your body builds up to the pill over time. There are a lot of women who think the longer they are on the pill the harder it is going to be to get pregnant. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Actually, if you are prone to ovarian cysts or have a history of endometriosis then being on the pill can be PROTECTIVE of your fertility. The pill helps prevent cysts from forming and endometriosis from growing. As a general rule, we recommend having one cycle off the pill and then try to conceive the month after that.

Another common myth is that you should give “your body a break” from the pill every few years. This is also not true. Now there are certain people who should not take the pill at all (such as smokers over the age of 35), and obviously if you don’t need the pill you shouldn’t take it (yes, I know, I’m starting to sound like the announcer that talks fast at the end of the drug commercials). However, if you are happy with the pill and your doctor says that you have no medical problems that would interfere with it, then there is no need to give your body a break from it.

So, those of you considering pregnancy should definitely start taking prenatal vitamins, but don’t stop using birth control until you want to get pregnant. I was once asked by a patient (not Jess!) if she should stop her birth control pills when she started her clomid? Hmmmmmm. I’ll go with yes on that one.

FYI: if you are on the depo-provera shot, that is another story. It can take up to year for ovulation to return.

This week we are working on chapter 5 of the book which covers weeks 16-20 of pregnancy. Without giving too much of the content away, I wanted to share a bit of what I am writing about because I want to encourage any women following this blog that are currently walking through pregnancy.

Psalm 139:13-16 says, “For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”

We’re talking a lot about fear and anxiety this chapter because at this point in pregnancy, even though you are almost beyond the miscarriage zone, you are likely still awaiting the BIG ultrasound that checks out baby’s organs and growth. I remember feeling like I was holding my breath until after that ultrasound. Those feelings are completely normal, but they do not have to over take your heart and mind.

Read these verses in Psalm 139 again. Actually, if you have the time, read the entire chapter. It is one of my favorite chapters in the whole bible. What an amazing reminder of how the Lord intimately knows and cares for us. What an awesome picture of how He is knitting your child together, right now.

He knows every cell and every hair. He formed every finger and every toe. He ordained this life even before you conceived. Will you trust Him with it?

I pray you will have peace in your heart and mind as you trust Him to do this great creation work,

We all seem to complain that time seems to fly. Perhaps we should all just try to get pregnant, that pretty much makes it crawl at a snail’s pace. It may be helpful to remember that “normal” fertile couples conceive at a rate of 30% per month. So the average couple takes 3-6 months to to get pregnant. Hmmm. No, that’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but I wanted to reassure Jess, and those out there trying, that they are not alone in their frustration with time.
The goal of clomid is make you ovulate, which then puts you on even ground with everyone else. With IVF, 30% is considered a good success rate (depending on many factors). So even when you carefully put the embryo in the uterus, the rate is still about the same.
So hang in there, as you try again next month. Hey, maybe this slowing of time will help us meet our deadline! I know, wishful thinking