Today I attended a new mom’s luncheon at my church. What a wonderful idea our leadership had to gather together the 15+ mommies in our body who gave birth in the past twelve months. Some were first time moms and some, like me, already had children. We sat around and swapped breastfeeding and poop stories while getting to know one another and our little ones. It didn’t matter our level of experience – each one had suggestions and new ideas to offer the group. Our pastor’s wife and children’s pastor both encouraged us to keep in touch, plan play groups and continue to fellowship. We are all apart of a shared community and this group will become our mom tribe. . .fellow mommies who dwell and learn together.

I’ve had the great privilege of having peer moms surrounding me since I became one myself. I don’t know what I would do without my best mommy friends to call on weekly, sometimes daily. The camaraderie that develops when walking through a season as tough as motherhood is invaluable. Even if you do things slightly different than your other mothering friends, there is still so much to learn from one another. You may do nothing more than offer each other an empathetic, “I hear ya girl” when sharing challenges and frustrations. This simple sisterhood may be the very thing that carries you through to high school graduation.

If you haven’t already, I encourage you to find a mom tribe in your area. If you feel like you are the only one in this stage of life in your church or city I assure you, you are not. There has got to be some other women keeping that OB office in business! You may not immediately click with women you find in your area. After all, relationships must be invested in and cultivated. But this is one of the most important things you can do for your child and for yourself. Here are a few suggestions for finding your mom tribe. . .

• Ask the leaders in your church to connect you with other new moms. Start with the children’s pastor. They should be able to introduce you to other moms of babies.
• Look for an established group such as MOPS in your town. These groups meet once or twice a month and usually provide childcare for a small, annual membership fee.
• Visit meetup.com to check for local play groups groups. Message the group leader for an introduction and details.
• Check with your local library for story times. Lots of moms attend these free events so it’s the perfect place to connect with others in your area.
• Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with another mom while your kids are playing at the park. Some of the best connections can be made around the jungle gym.

I am saying a special prayer today that all of the moms in our community will be able to find their mom tribe and connect quickly for support and friendship.

What are some other ways you have been able to connect with moms in your area? We’d love to hear what worked for you.

Before I get started, let me just say – this post is not completely comprehensive. I don’t think any post about any deal can be. But I’ve done my best in the midst of infant illness (did I mention he threw up all over the place while I was changing his large, poopie diaper this morning) and preschool craziness. I promised I would do some research on the NEW best place to buy diapers since Amazon.com announced they were changing their Subscribe and Save and Amazon Mom programs. Turns out, for some, Amazon might still be the best place to buy diapers.

Really, it all depends on your favorite, most trusted brand as well as whether or not you want the convenience of a subscription and delivery or if you want to search for and use coupons on a regular basis. Still, there’s some good information here (if I do say so myself) for the stores we shop at the most.

{A Few Notes}

• All diapers are priced in Sz 3 because a) that is the size my little man is currently in, b) it seems that is the size infants stay in the longest and c) it would simply be too much to include all sizes in a blog post. Use sz 3 as your guide and if your child is in a smaller or larger size, chances are the price comparisons are similar.
• These prices do not include sales tax for obvious reasons.
• These prices do not take into account coupon savings potential as that would vary greatly every week/month. If you can add coupons to these prices, you may decide one store is a better deal that week than another. {As a side note, Babies R Us always has great coupons/GC w/ purchase deals.}
• If you would like to include coupon savings into your consideration, I suggest you check out the weekly Top Diaper Deal posts on faithfulprovisions.com {Kelly is amazing and if you aren’t already, you should regularly check out her site for great savings and while you are at it, grab her book Saving Savvy!}
• If you are looking for a no-brainer diaper strategy, then simply choose your brand of choice below and look for the red entry (least expensive per diaper without coupons or deals).
• If you are not already an Amazon Prime member, the $79 per year fee would add an additional .02-.04 per diaper depending on box qty (based on 1 box per month est).
• Please also take into consideration you will not pay tax at Amazon.com so that is an additional savings if you have significant sales tax in your area.
• Prices for Sams Club and Costco do not include yearly membership fee. As with Amazon Prime, this would only make sense if you are already a member. If not, it would add an additional .02-.03 per diaper for your $50 yearly fee (broken out over 12 months at 1 box per month est).
• I did not even include diapers.com on this list. What a joke. Their prices do not even compare to any listed below. Even with their $5 off every case deal.

{Summary}

Store Brand/Value Diapers

Target and Walmart store brands have the best price. But it depends on whether or not you like the quality.

For value diapers like Luvs, Amazon has the best price at .15 per diaper (w/S&S). Amazon Prime membership brings it down to .13 per diaper. Your yearly membership fee would be paid for with this .02 per diaper savings so you would enjoy free shipping and streaming for basically no additional cost.

Pampers {Cr=Cruisers, Bd=Baby Dry}

Best price on Cruisers is Sams (in store or online w/ free shipping) or Amazon (w/S&S and free shipping) at .23 per diaper. Amazon Prime brings it down to .19 per diaper.

Best price for Baby Dry is Sams (online w/ free shipping) or Babies R Us (in store) or Amazon (w/ S&S and free shipping) at .20 per diaper. Amazon Prime brings it down to .17 per diaper. Again, your Prime membership would be paid for each year with this .03 per diaper savings.

Huggies {Sd=Snug and Dry, Lm=Little Movers}

Best price for Snug and Dry is Costco or Sams (Sams in store or online w/ free shipping) at .18 per diaper.

Best price for Little Movers is Sams (online w/ free shipping) at .23 per diaper. Amazon only meets these prices with Prime membership so it would not be worth the expense if you are not already a member.

For me, I’m a Pampers Swaddlers mom. But that is because I was getting them for such a good price through Amazon (.18-.19 per).  I didn’t include them in this analysis because they are considerable more expensive without the 30% off I was getting from Amazon. Now that things have changed, I’ll likely switch to Pampers Baby Dry. They are comparable and still much softer than store or value brands.

Are there any brands/deals I haven’t included on this list? We’d love to hear your secrets to getting great diaper deals.

If you ‘like’ us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter, you’ve seen my New Mom Tool of the Week posts over the past 6 months. These are items that I have loved having around since welcoming baby #2 back in July. It’s funny how, as a brand new mom welcoming baby #1, we have a long list of must have items that we see online or in magazines. I think with each subsequent child, however, we learn that less is more and we tend to gravitate towards the absolute ‘must haves’. There are many items I thought I needed when my first child was born that I am doing just fine without the second time around.

Those ‘must haves’ will vary from mom to mom because, let’s face it, we all have different lifestyles and preferences. We could probably sit around and chat for hours about our favorite baby items and why we just can’t live without them. I’ve asked several moms of multiple young children and these are the items we simply can’t live without. I’ve noted the approximate cost of these items along with some money saving tips as well as the time frame you are likely to use the item. So much of your baby gear is used temporarily (like 2-6 months) so it’s helpful to know how long your invest is going to last.

This list is, of course, in addition to general items such as clothing, various linens, a crib, bottles (if bottle feeding), etc. If you have our book, these special items would fall under the “Would Be Nice To” haves or the “Everyone In Hollywood” haves that I write about in Chapter 7.

Thank you to Facebook friend Bethany for the wonderful reminder that above all else, grace and wisdom are the two most important tools for any new mom. And you can’t find them at Babies R Us or your local consignment sale. Those tools come only from your relationship with God so remember to pray first and foremost as you go throughout your day with baby!

1. Graco Snap & Go Stroller – Twitter friend @mommyzabs seconds my vote that this is the way to go for an infant stroller. The Snap & Go is a frame that carries your infant seat so you simply pop the seat out of the car and into the frame without moving or disturbing baby. I found this much easier than a separate stroller and very compact. Several companies make these frames so find one that is compatible with your preferred infant seat. For baby #2 I purchased the double Snap & Go stroller and we love it! There is a place for my preschooler to sit and once baby is out of the carrier, there is a full seat for him up front.

Approximate Cost: $50-$75 (for the single) depending on where you buy and what brand you land on. These are pretty easy to find at consignment sales or wait for a sale or coupon at Babies R Us.

When You Will Use It: 0-9 months, possibly longer if baby is small.

2. Baby Monitor/Video Monitor - Facebook friends Carrie and Shawn love their baby monitors. Shawn shared that although the video monitor is more of an investment, it’s worth it to be able to see baby while they are sleeping. Either way, the peace of mind that comes with hearing (or seeing) your baby while they are sleeping is worth the investment.

Approximate Cost: $35-$200 depending on brand (video monitors are between $100-$200). This is a good item to look for on Craigslist but make sure it works well before purchasing. I would not recommend buying an item like this at a consignment sale because there is no way to ensure it works before purchasing. Sign up for Amazon Mom and watch for weekly deals on high dollar items like this.

When You Will Use It: We still use a monitor for our 3 1/2 year old. It’s just helpful to hear her, especially when she is sick.

3. Swaddle Blankets – Our mommies love their swaddle blankets and it’s pretty unanimous that Aden + Anais are the blanket of choice. Facebook friends Claire and Colleen shared how much they love their Aden + Anais blankets. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know what I did with baby #1 before they were around. These muslin blankets are soft, lightweight and worth the price. Target sells a few exclusive packs or you can purchase directly off of their website (more choices). Perfect for summer babies since they are light and breathable! They are a great, larger size so you can use them as baby grows.

Approximate Cost: $35-$50 (pack of 4)

When You Will Use Them: As long as possible!

4. Boppy - If you think the Boppy is only for breastfeeding, you are missing out! Facebook friend Brandi shared how she uses her Boppy for everything. Once again, I couldn’t agree more. Brandi used her Boppy as a neck pillow in the hospital (brilliant) as well as for nursing, sitting support and tummy time support for her little one.

Approximate Cost: $35-$50 for new pillow and cover but this is a great item to pick up at a consignment sale.

When You Will Use It: 0-10 months

5. Hylands Teething Tablets - This is one of my picks for mommies. Hylands went away between my two little ones but are back and better than ever with a new formula (perfect timing for me). These homeopathic tablets really do sooth teething babies.

Approximate Cost: $6-$10

When You Will Use Them: Approx 3-4m until baby stops teething

6. Sheet Savers – This is one of those items that some new moms don’t know about. I want to shout it from the rooftops and I think Facebook friends Angela and Carrie would join me. No one wants to change a crib sheet in the middle of the night (believe me it’s hard). Sheet savers are truly life savers! You can use the small size or the ones that cover the entire surface (I write about these in the book). Either way, they will save you the trouble of changing a hard-to-remove crib sheet at 2am enough times to warrant their price!

Approximate Cost: $8-$20 depending on size

When You Will Use Them: 0-12 months at least

7. Infant Carrier/Wrap – With my first baby, I didn’t use an infant carrier. She simply did not like it. With my second the need for two hands to care for my 3 year old outweighed his resistance to it. Many moms swear by the convenience and comfort of infant carriers and would recommend using them from the get go. Like anything, the more you use it, the more baby will become comfortable with it. There are many types of carriers on the market including wraps and slings. Facebook friends Mindy and AnnRose love the Moby Wrap (this is the one I used for my baby boy) while friends Adina, Kemmely and Grace @ourarmswideopen love the Ergo Baby carrier. You will need to do your research and find what works best for you. But we definitely recommend taking the time and making the investment in this helpful tool. . .especially for baby #2 and beyond!

Approximate Cost: $40-$200 depending on carrier (wraps are less expensive options). These are great items to pick up at a consignment sale. I got my Moby Wrap for 1/2 the price used. Just make sure with more involved carriers that all pieces are in proper working order.

When You Will Use It: 0m-2years depending on carrier choice and baby’s size. Wraps can typically be used sooner however the Ergo Baby has an optional infant insert.

8. Breast Pump - If you are planning to breastfeed your baby then a breast pump in a must (unless you plan on never leaving their side during the first year). They are expensive but worth the investment. If you have trouble with your milk supply, a pump can also aide to keep you flowing until your supply picks up. Since I knew I would have trouble with my supply due to a surgery I had years ago, I used a breast pump for a month after baby was born to get as much milk as I could for my babies. I chose to rent a pump from our hospital medical supply since I knew I wouldn’t be using it long term. Breastfeeding moms would tell you to invest in an electric (non manual) pump if you can. And a double pump is much more efficient than a single. Believe me, you’ll appreciate getting it done in one shot when you are juggling a million things as a new mom. Twitter friend Grace @ourarmswideopen loves her Lansinoh pump and @SarahCaitS chose Medela. Once again, do your research and find the pump that you think would work well for you and is in your budget.

Approximate Cost: $200-$400 for double, electric breast pump, $60-$150 for single electric. $40-$50 for single or double manual pump.

When You Will Use It: 0-12m or as long as you breastfeed

9. Nursing Cover – Facebook friends Claire and Colleen could not live without their nursing cover. If you want to be discreet while feeding in public, a nursing cover is a must!

Approximate Cost: $30-$50

When You Will Use It: 0-12m or as long as you are breastfeeding

10. “Baby Stations” – A swing, a bouncy seat, a playmat and/or an exersaucer. . . I like to call these items “baby stations”. Because baby’s attention span in only a few minutes, you will find yourself moving throughout these stations with baby as you go through your day. If you have room in your budget, I recommend purchasing a few of these items to offer baby variety and you as much time hands free as possible. But these tools are not only about passing off baby for a few, sacred, hands-free moments. These toys help baby explore color, shapes, sounds and the world around them. Twitter friend @SarahCaitS chose her swing as a favorite. Facebook friend Bethany loves her bouncy seat while Kristy recommends a playmat and Crista swears by an exersaucer. These items vary in cost and appropriate age of use so think about your budget and what you will need throughout baby’s first year when deciding what to purchase.

Approximate Cost: Swing $75-$200 depending on size, Bouncy Seat $30-$70, Playmat $25-$75, Exersaucer $50-$120. These are all good items to pick up at a consignment sale or to borrow from a friend who is not currently using them.

When You Will Use Them: Swing 0-9m, Bouncy Seat 0-6m, Playmat 0-12m, Exersaucer 3-12m

11. Soothing Sounds – One of the most important tools you can have in your tool box for baby is anything that promotes peace in your home. Babies can sense stress and tension so the more peaceful you make your environment, the more peaceful they can be. As I write this, my 6 month old is watching a Praise Baby DVD. Twitter friend @mommyzabs and Facebook friend Crista both shared that they love worship music for their baby.  Kemmely shared that her baby loved their womb sound machine. Whether going throughout your day with worship music as your soundtrack or putting baby down for a nap and nighttime with a sound machine or lullabies, soothing sounds are a must for every mom. One of my personal favorites is the Rock A Bye Baby Collection. Sweet and soothing renditions of YOUR favorite music mom, including Coldplay, U2 and others!

Approximate Cost: Sound Machine $20-$50, CD/DVDs $10-$15

When You Will Use It: At least the first 3 years!

12. Baby Schedule Tracker – While in the hospital after having my second baby, the nurse instructed me to write down when baby ate, slept and pooped. She told me to do this for about a week. Then she jokingly said, “If you do it any longer than that, you need to get a life.” Facebook friend Shawn and I would definitely disagree with that statement. With the horrible effect that having a baby has on the brain, new moms cannot be expected to remember anything. . .even the last time they fed their little one. I found a schedule tracker so valuable for at least the first 3-6 months. Once baby was sleeping more consistently and eating regular meals, I was able to transition out of this practice. But before then, I simply had to write everything down. My personal favorite schedule tracker is The Essential Baby Organizer while Shawn loved her electronic Itzbeen Baby Timer.

Approximate Cost: $15-$25

When You Will Use It: 0-6m or possibly longer

Some other items suggested by our moms for baby’s body. . .Facebook friend Jessice loves California Baby Calendula Cream for babies with Eczema and Carrie loves Aquaphor for everyday use. I personally have really enjoyed Johnson’s Natural line this time around for baby wash, shampoo and lotion.

We’d love to hear from other moms on essential items that did not make this list. What other tools do you believe new moms (especially moms with 2+) need in their toolbox?

I can hardly believe this year is almost over! It’s been a very full year for my family….including sad loss, miracle life and a ton of transition. The fact that we’ve come to the end of 2011 in one piece, full of joy and excited about the future is a great testimony to the grace of God!

Earlier in the fall I wrote a post about family prayers, sharing how the Lord led me to write and pray specific prayers over my husband and children in order to contend for specific things in their lives while celebrating the uniqueness of each of them. I want to revisit the idea and challenge us all to write and pray specific prayers as we turn the calendar and enter 2012. I can’t think of a better time to focus on the power of prayer in our family life. What are you believing for your husband and children in 2012? In what areas do they need growth and breakthrough? What challenging personality traits do you need to embrace and celebrate? I find that writing an honest and heartfelt prayer for these things allows me to focus my otherwise busy mind on what matters most.

I encourage you…take an hour or so over the next few days…sit down with your journal and a cup of something warm…and write your heart out to God on behalf of your family.

First, ask him to reveal to you the wonderful uniqueness of each family member. Thank him for their life.

Next, ask him to show you how you can stand in the gap for them this year. Areas of growth, challenges, awaited miracles.

Then, write a prayer for each of them.

Try to keep each prayer to a paragraph. 4-6 sentences. This way you can print them out and keep them in your bible or maybe on your bathroom mirror or in the car. Somewhere you will see them daily and remember to pray. Try making a prayer card for each one {like this one}. You can write answers to your prayers {with the date} below your prayers throughout the year. Then, put them together to make a prayer journal for each of your family members.

I am committed to walking through this process again because I believe these prayers may need to be adjusted on a regular basis. I look forward to 2012 with great anticipation of all God has in store for my family. Let’s do our part moms to cover our loved ones and expect great things for them in the coming year.

Praying with you,

Jessica

{Notice that I said, “When bottle works best”? Dr. Rupe and I both agree that breast milk is best for baby. But there are some moms who are not able to breastfeed for one reason or another. This post is for those moms.}

Photo obtained from istockphoto.com

I know that breast milk is best for my baby, but I had surgery several years ago that removed most of my milk ducts so this mama is a dry well. I gave breastfeeding my best shot when Hope was born and again when Joshua came this past summer, but I knew all along that I was likely not going to nourish them. Due to poor milk supply, I had to supplement with formula very early on. After a month of juggling bottles, breasts and pumping I decided that it was best for me and my babies if I switched exclusively to formula. I am thankful for a pediatrician who supported me in this decision. Since I am a formula-feeding mom, I felt compelled to do a post for other moms in my (or a similar) situation. There is so much information out there regarding breast feeding, I felt it was time to give a shout out to other bottle-feeding moms like me.

This is not a post about whether or not you should breast or bottle-feed. I ain’t goin’ there! That decision is very personal and circumstantial so I would be a fool to address it in a blog post. Again, we believe breast milk is best but we acknowledge that some women struggle to make breastfeeding a reality. It is my hope that we can encourage and empower those women.

TPC’s Top 10 Tips for Bottle-Feeding Moms

Get rid of the guilt. There is no reason for you to feel guilty about formula-feeding your baby. I repeat, there is no reason for you to feel guilty about formula-feeding your baby. Formula has come such a long way and there are many wonderful options that will completely nourish your child. I understand that not being able to do what God created you to do is disappointing. You may need to grieve the fact that you cannot breastfeed but once you work through those emotions, move on and don’t look back. You are doing what is best for you and your baby. Don’t let anyone make you feel like less of a mother for bottle-feeding.

Find other bottle-feeding moms. You know the saying, “misery loves company”? Well, minority loves company too. In this day and age, formula-feeding is the minority and understandably so. But no one wants to feel alone in anything they are doing, least of all how they are nourishing their child. Seek out other moms in your community that are formula-feeding and support one another. Discuss bottle options. Swap formula coupons.

Research your formula options. As I said, there are many wonderful formula options on the market today. Talk to your doctor about what formula they recommend. If you have friends that bottle-feed, ask them what brand they use. You may go through some trial and error figuring out which one is best for your little one but remember, you should discuss any sudden change in formula with your doctor. It’s usually best to stick with one brand for at least a week to allow baby’s digestive system to adjust to it.

Research your bottle options. Just like formula, there are many bottle options on the market today. Most, if not all bottles are now BPA free which should put your mind at ease. Take into consideration the bottle’s shape and parts. Many bottles have very intricate systems for relieving gas and bubbles. The jury is still out on whether or not these systems actually work. It really depends on the baby so once again you may need to perform some trial and error here. The bottle I used with my first baby had several parts that had to be cleaned and reassembled but it worked well for her. With my second baby, I found a bottle that didn’t have any extra parts. It also worked well and was much easier to clean!

Sign up for brand programs*. Companies such as Similac or Emfamil will send you great materials to guide you through baby’s first year as well as valuable coupons. You may even receive a gift in the mail from time to time. I have found the information in their packets very helpful in guiding me along the baby-feeding journey.

Do what you can to save money. Formula is expensive! But there are ways you can save money. Collect coupons. Ask your pediatrician for coupons. Chances are she has them (and some samples) lying around. My doctor gave me a stack of 20 $5 off coupons! Combine store deals with manufacturer coupons. Stores like Babies R Us and Publix may offer $5 off 2 cans of formula. You can combine that offer with a manufacturer coupon to save even more! Shop price clubs. Stores like Costco and Sams offer larger cans of formula at discounted prices {*please note, Costco and Sams do not accept manufacturer coupons but they will accept the coupon checks you will receive in the mail from formula companies}.

Create a space on your kitchen counter (near the sink) as your bottle station. Let’s face it, the worst part of bottle-feeding is cleaning all those bottles! Create a system in your kitchen that makes bottle cleaning faster and easier. Having a well organized bottle area will take the frustration out of feeding time when you would otherwise be scrambling for a clean bottle while baby is screaming. We use a separate tub {I can’t stand the thought of baby bottles touching the same sink I dump gooey chicken parts into} that fits right into our sink. After a bottle is used, we rinse it and throw it in the tub. When we are running low, we add soap and soak the bottles. Then we rinse them and hang them on a bottle drying rack, ready to be used for the next feeding. I end up washing bottles once a day {we keep seven on hand}.

Plan ahead. True, as a bottle-feeding mom, there’s more to it than simply pulling out a boob when baby gets hungry. That’s why it’s important to plan ahead. When you are out and about, bring 2-3 bottles full of filtered water and a formula dispenser filled with enough formula for each feeding {this is for those who use powder formula, if you use the ready made variety, it’s that much easier for you}. Our bottles have a great system where the formula holder fits right down into the bottle of water. When it’s time to feed, I open the bottle, remove the dispenser, dump it in the water, mix and feed! At home, you can either use filtered {nursery} water purchased from the supermarket or fill bottles ahead of time {so they come to room temperature} using your own filtered water. It is not recommended that you heat water or formula in the microwave due to possible hot pockets that can be created. If you choose to use a bottle warmer, water can be cold to begin with. We found it much easier however, to plan ahead and use room temperature water than to warm every bottle.

Share the load. That’s right. It doesn’t have to be all on you. Those poor breastfeeding mommies never get a break in the middle of the night. But YOU CAN! Look at this as an opportunity for daddy or grandma to bond with your baby. Ask for help so you can get longer stretches of sleep or a shower at least once in a while. This is one of the advantages of bottle-feeding so enjoy it!

Hold your baby close. One of the hardest things for non-breastfeeding moms is thinking the bond with our little one will be less because they do not receive their nutrition directly from our bodies. While their source for food may be external, the fact that YOU are the one providing everything your baby needs is the reason he or she will know you are mommy. Still, with all the craziness that comes with a baby {and your deep desire to keep some sort of order in your life} you may be tempted to perhaps, prop up a bottle for your munchkin to drink while you get the dishes done. I encourage you not to do this. Hold your baby close to you as you feed. The bond that comes during feeding is real whether baby receives their milk from your breast or the bottle in your hand. My sweet boy holds on to my fingers for dear life as he sucks away at his bottle. It is one of the sweetest things to have him holding my hand.

I’d love to hear from other formula-feeding moms out there. What tips and strategies have worked for you?

Off to make another bottle,

Jessica

UPDATE/WINNERS! Congratulations to Jodi who won the Prayers for my Baby Girl book and Alicia who won the Prayers for my Baby Boy book. Also, because the publisher sent us an extra book, I am happy to also give a Prayers for my Baby Girl book away to Natalie! I will email you girls for your addresses. Enjoy!

GIVEAWAY DETAILS BELOW! Giveaway ends Saturday 8/27 at 11:59pm. Winner will be chosen on 8/28.

Before I gave birth to my second child 6 weeks ago, I had planned to write a post on preparing your child for baby #2. But I never got around to it. I’m so glad I didn’t because 6 weeks in, I have a bit of a different perspective on the matter and I now understand that both I and my 3 year old needed some hard core preparation. Expanding your family from 3 (mommy, daddy, baby) to 4 (or more for that matter) is definitely a shock. No longer can you share the responsibility of your little one (“here, you take care of her while I take a shower”), you now share the responsibility of 2 or more lives which means neither of you get a child-free break to shower or eat or pee. Eventually when they are a bit older and can be left alone in a room, you might get these luxuries. In the beginning however, you’ll likely have one child in your arms, hanging on your leg or screaming for your attention at all times.

I think so much of it is about having your expectations in order before baby comes. I’m not so sure I had mine in line. I was convinced that baby #2 would be my “easy baby” since #1 was a little high maintenance. But alas. . .my two babies are basically carbon copies of one another. Hey, at least I know what I’m dealing with.

In the spirit of good airline safety (“place the oxygen mask on yourself before helping your children”), let’s start by making sure mommy is ready for the new little one that is about to enter her life. After all, if mommy ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. . .

Prepping Yourself:

1. Find every scripture you can about grace and wisdom and commit them to memory. Write them down on little note cards or in a journal. You.Will.Need.Them.Every.Day. If you can’t seem to find time to spend alone with God, at least you’ll have great scriptures on your mind.

2. Don’t script your current child or your baby-to-be. Maybe I’m the only one who does this, but I plan everything out in my head. . .even how I hope my children will be or act. Why do I do that? They NEVER cooperate with my lofty goals. Let your children be who they were made to be (for better or worse) and pray daily (or hourly) for the grace and wisdom to guide them. (I am learning this lesson even as I type).

3. Spend as much time alone as you can before baby #2 comes. Girls night out. A mani/pedi. Coffee and a good book. If you were able to make these happen with one child, awesome. So much harder to make them happen with two. Ask your husband, family member or friend to help watch your child so you can set aside several dates with yourself before #2 arrives (emphasis on several, one is not enough).

4. Let go of perfection, order and control. I never considered myself a perfectionist or a control freak before I had one child. Then I saw my true colors. Two is only illuminating this fact even more so. We need to let go of the notion that we should have it all together. Sure, it drives me a little crazy to look around the room and see toys all over the place as I watch my 3 year old play loudly while holding my crying baby. I’d prefer to have the house in order, 3 year old reading a book and peaceful music playing to soothe the little one. Perhaps that’s happened once or twice in the past 6 weeks but it’s not going to be the norm. I’d like to say “as long as everyone is fed, clothed and breathing you are doing ok,” and I do believe that to some extent. But I believe that with the Lord’s help we can do more than just survive. We can thrive as mothers. But that doesn’t necessarily mean we have it all together. There’s a balance that God will reveal to us if we seek Him.

5. Be kind to yourself. This is something my counselor says over and over again. Mommy guilt is not going to help you take better care of your children. It’s fruitless. Do your best and in those moments when you feel that your best is not enough, be gentle with yourself.

Prepping {and dealing with} Your Child:

1. Spend lots of one on one time with your child. Although they will have to adjust to daddy’s attention being split as well, they will be more affected by your lack of attention to them. Especially if you are home with your children every day. I never realized how hard it would be to constantly say no to my 3 yr old because I had to take care of the baby. I’m sick of hearing myself say it, and I know she is. But it’s the reality of the season we are in. I don’t think you can make too many deposits in their emotional bank account so do whatever you can to build up their trust and security before the transition.

2. Talk about the new baby. Share with your child what this transition is going to look like and what it will mean for them. Children feel secure when they know what to expect. We did this a bit but not nearly enough. Now, I’m trying to be very mindful of how I talk with my 3 yr old about the baby. Don’t make it all about baby but make sure your older child knows what to expect.

3. Engage your child in baby activities. Your child will love being mommy’s little helper. Involve them in decorating baby’s room or preparing baby’s clothes. After baby arrives, let your child help with diaper changes and feedings. Let them introduce new toys to baby. Feeling like a vital part of this new relationship will greatly help with the adjustment.

4. Give your child something special to acknowledge them becoming a big sister or brother. A small toy or trinket. . .perhaps a special family item. . .Having something tangible will make them feel special and likely distract them initially during the transition.

5. Remember your child is only {insert age here}. My daughter threw a temper tantrum the other day when I couldn’t hold her because I was holding the baby. I felt guilty and honestly annoyed with her. I addressed her poor attitude but I realized I need to be gentle with her heart and remember she is only 3 and doesn’t fully know how to express feeling left out or, dare I say, neglected. We need to address poor responses but we also need to acknowledge the heart issues they stem from in a nurturing way.

{Disclaimer: I am writing this post, not as an expert but as a mommy who is currently in the trenches of going from 1 to 2. I welcome any and all input from other moms on how to prepare yourself and your child for this huge life change.}

What tips and strategies did you find helpful in preparing yourself and your child for baby #2 or #3. . .?

{GIVEAWAY!} Because so much of it is about prayer, I thought this would be a great time to give away copies of two lovely, new prayer books by Angela Thomas. Prayers for my Baby Girl and Prayers for my Baby Boy. Leave a comment sharing ways you are preparing yourself or your child for baby to enter to win (even if you are expecting #1, we’d love to hear from you). We’ll pick two winners to receive a copy of one of the books. Please indicate which version you’d like to win. Share this post on Twitter or Facebook for extra entries. Just let us know you did so!

Learning from the Lord as I go,

Jessica

UPDATE: The winner of these two great Mark. products is Morgan! Just in time for baby’s arrival. Email me at jesswolstenholm at gmail dot com and I’ll get your moisturizer shade and send it right out to you! Congrats!!

Blame my pregnancy brain but when I posted this late last night, I totally forgot that I wanted to do a GIVEAWAY with this post!! Read below for details!!

As I think about packing my hospital bag for the impending arrival of our baby boy, I have been trying hard to stock up on those cosmetic essentials I will not have time to shop for in the weeks to come. I’m no expert, although I did work for Clinique for over 5 years and I now have the privilege of being a rep for mark. (Avon’s younger, hipper but still inexpensive line). So I have just enough experience with makeup and women to know what essentials can help tired and worn out mommies look fresher and more rested.

I had planned on making this the Top 5 Make Up Must Haves for New Moms but then decided it would be fun to participate in Oh Amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday Link up. . .so you’re getting my recommendation on 5 more products every new mom (or any mom. . .or woman for that matter) should have in her cosmetic bag. If you like to keep things simple (or if it overwhelms you to think about applying mascara) then stick with the Top 5 recommendations. I’m listing them in order of importance (according to my daily routine). I’ve thrown in a few non-makeup (more cosmetic) items such as a hair and body product just to round things out a bit and to give you my essential list for getting out the door from head to toe (with the addition of deodorant, which I didn’t think needed to be listed). PLEASE NOTE: This list applies with or without a shower cuz let’s be honest, there will be less showers now that you are a mom!

1.  Tinted Moisturizer {mark. Get A Tint SPF 15} – $10 – Every face should begin with a good primer. No need to deal with blending full on foundation. A tinted moisturizer (especially with an SPF) is the perfect way to smooth out your complexion. mark’s Get a Tint is a great, inexpensive option with the perfect amount of coverage.

2.  Concealer {Neutrogena 3 in 1 Concealer for Eyes} – $10 – Let’s make one thing clear right now. . .whether or not you have dark circles now, you WILL have them after you are up all night with your little one. Concealer is probably the most important weapon in my arsenal. The amazing thing about this Neutrogena concealer is that it is formulated for use under eyes AND on your eyelids. That is not the case for most concealers. So if you are in a hurry and don’t have time for eye shadow, grab this concealer to cover those circles and smooth out your lids.

3.  Blush {mark. Just Pinched Instant Blush Tint} – $8 – Who doesn’t need some color on their cheeks, especially when they are tired?! This blush tint is so easy to apply and blend to add life to your face in an instant.

4.  Eyeliner {Sephora Liner Electro} – $8 – Eyeliner should glide on easily and make your eyes sparkle! Sephora’s Liner Electro does both. My color is Choco Electro. It’s a great, subtle, shimmery copper brown.

5.  Lip Gloss (Neutrogena Moisture Shine Gloss} – $9 – This lip gloss comes in some great colors and glides on easily without the unnecessary stickiness that comes with many glosses on the market today.

6.  Hair Freshener {mark. Next Day Spray} – $6 – As I mentioned earlier, there WILL be less showers now that you have another life begging for your attention. mark’s Next Day Spray is the perfect product for freshening up unwashed hair. Just spray lightly from root to ends and work through with fingers, a brush or even a quick blow dry. Hair feels fresher immediately and smells great too.

7.  Mineral Makeup {Clinique Superbalanced Powder SPF 15} – $34.50 – Mineral Makeup adds an additional smoothness to your complexion with minimal work. Don’t be turned off by the price tag because this powder will last you 6-12 months. The turn and click function allows you to only dispense what you need so you don’t end up with powder all over your clothes.

8.  Neutral, All Over Eye Shadow {mark. Custom Pick Eyeshadow} – $5 – No need to do up your eyes with a base, contour and highlight eye shadow. Simply find a great, all over neutral color (like mark’s Biscotti shade) that you can apply quickly to bring brightness to your eyes.

9.  Mascara {Maybelline Great Lash} – $5 – Not sure that an explanation is necessary for the need for mascara or the fact that the classic, Maybelline Great Lash is my fave. I’ve tried all kinds of $20-30 mascara’s and I always come back to this one!

10.  Body Spray {Bath and Body Works Fragrance Mist} – $12 – Don’t skip your deodorant but add a quick layer of freshness and life to your tired body with a pick me up fragrance mist. My current, summer favorite is White Citrus.

GIVEAWAY TIME! One lucky winner will get to try two amazing mark. products! Get a Tint Tinted Moisturizer and Next Day Spray!! You know the drill. Leave a comment below or share this post on Facebook or Twitter and leave a comment saying you did to be entered to win. We’ll pick a winner this Saturday.

I wanted to note that these are literally all of the products I use almost everyday (unless I have a hot date with my hubby, when I break out the fancy stuff) and I can apply my makeup in around 5 minutes. The important thing is finding products you love and trust so you don’t have to take your time or think about it too much when doing your application. I am a firm believer that with the right tool kit, anyone can look great in 5 minutes!

Would love to hear about the trusty tools in your personal tool kit. What products do you swear by for new moms (or any mom, or any woman for that matter)?

Happy Face Painting!

Jessica

We’ve got lots of amazing mom blogs giving away the book for Mother’s Day this weekend. Stop by these great sites and enter to win. Again, even if you are not pregnant or trying to conceive, you can enter to win the book for a friend of family member.

Thank you to all of our new friends for supporting The Pregnancy Companion book

and helping to spread the word about this faith-based pregnancy resource!

Check them out:

The Mommyhood Memos

Mom4Life.com

Momnbaby.com

Bowmania.net

Happy Mother’s Day!

Jessica

A couple weeks ago I saw a patient* in the office holding her beautiful, healthy two month old daughter. She had planned for this pregnancy for years and dealt with infertility along the way.  Now she finally had the child that she had wanted so badly. When I had seen her name on my patient list that morning, a smile appeared on my face, she was such a joyful person.

However, shortly after I shut the exam room door, the tears began to roll down her face. “I’m trying so hard,” she said, “but I feel like a terrible mom who doesn’t do anything right!”

“My husband wants you to check my hormones** while I’m here, he just doesn’t understand why I’m sad and cry all the time.”

“I’m praying and reading the Bible, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough”

“I would never hurt myself or my baby, but I sometimes dream of just being able to run away.”

After examining and talking to her further, I tell her that she had postpartum depression.

“I know it’s not depression, because there is no reason for me to be depressed, things are fine. I love my child and husband. It’s just that when I look at them, I just feel empty inside.”

That’s pretty much the definition of postpartum depression.

When we set out to write this book, one of the things we heard repeatedly was that women wanted more information on postpartum depression. The more research we did, the more we realized that this can be a struggle for Christian women on many fronts. Accepting this diagnosis can make them feel like a failure as a mother and a Christian. Often their family is not accepting of the diagnosis either, criticizing them for not being ‘spiritual enough.’ Nothing can be further from the truth.

What’s Normal? For the first two weeks postpartum, pretty much anything goes. No matter how many books you read, nothing can quite prepare you for the sleep-deprived roller coaster that is motherhood. Up to 80% of women will experience the ‘baby blues’ in the first 2 to 3 weeks postpartum. Typically this will include feeling tired and emotional, as well as experiencing mood swings and crying spells. However, after two weeks these symptoms should begin to subside.

What happens if you continue to feel teary and overwhelmed? When you feel empty or nothing when you look at your child? These could be signs of postpartum depression. Also if you have any thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself or your baby, or just run away and leave; these are signs of significant postpartum depression. I think as Christians it can be hard to admit when we have depression, because we might mistakenly view it as only a spiritual issue, but the truth is postpartum depression is a serious medical condition and needs treatment. It is essential to treat postpartum depression thoroughly, so you can fully bond with your baby.

I find so many women who want to blame their depression on something: their hormones, their husband or their circumstances. These things do contribute, but do not change the fact that they actually do HAVE postpartum depression. We know that there is most likely a hormonal trigger for postpartum depression. Studies have shown that women with a history of postpartum depression, who were later in life given hormonal treatment to mimic pregnancy, would begin to have depressive symptoms again. Despite this study, no hormonal treatment has been found to treat postpartum depression.

Treatment can include therapy, exercise and/or mild anti-depressant medications. I find some moms are very resistant to the idea of medication, but try to put it in perspective: If you had high blood pressure, and diet plus exercise didn’t improve it, would you take your medicine? Hopefully, the answer is yes. While you should pray for healing of the depression and meditate on scriptures to renew your mind, also realize that you may additionally need medication to treat this medical condition. If you are started on medications, it is usually best to take it for at least a year, or the risk of relapse increases.

More information on postpartum depression

Test for postpartum depression

*Any ‘patient’ examples in this blog are either used with the patient’s permission or are a  fictitious conglomerate of multiple patient encounters.

**Men like to blame all women’s problems on ‘their hormones’

{This post is written in honor of PCOS Awareness Month}

So I have this thing called PCOS. . .a condition or syndrome or whatever you’d like to call it. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? It sorta is. As it’s name would indicate, I do have multiple cysts on my ovaries (or is it in my ovaries, I’ve never understood which it was) but they are not the kind that grow big or rupture or anything painful like that. Honestly, I’ve never felt any pain as a result of my friends the ovarian cysts.

PCOS is, in essence, a diagnosis given if you have a collection of symptoms. For me those symptoms are: irregular cycles (and with that, lack of ovulation), acne (hello high school) and weight gain around the belly area (awesome). The bottom line is – my ‘plumbing’ (or ‘operating system’ for those of you that prefer a modern analogy) doesn’t work. PCOS involves hormone imbalance and insulin resistance but once again, I’ll spare you my vain attempt to address something medical. If you are interested in finding out more information on PCOS, check out this great article from Conceive Magazine. If you suspect you may have PCOS, I encourage you to talk with your doctor.

When I heard that September is PCOS awareness month I thought long and hard about doing a post about it. But for days I couldn’t come up with anything interesting on the subject. Even though about 5-10% of women (age 20-40) suffer from PCOS, I couldn’t see how many of you would be interested in the topic. And then I felt alone. Broken. As if my body was the only one out of sync. And then I thought about how everyone probably feels this way at one time or another about one thing or another in their life so maybe I’m not alone.

There are things I can do to help manage my PCOS. One of them is eat healthier (low carb) which I admit I struggle with (I’m Italian, we love our pasta and bread!). The other thing I can do is take birth control pills. Of course since I am currently TTC (trying to conceive) I am skipping the pill which is why my face looks like a pizza right now (please don’t stare if you see me around). Lastly, exercise is a big help in managing PCOS and I am happy to say I have been working out more regularly lately.

At the end of the day I am still broken. I often ask God to heal me and then I wonder if he doesn’t because I’ve not yet committed to eating healthy. But deep down I don’t believe God’s miracles are contingent upon our perfection. If they were, we would not see them. . .ever. We do need to do our part in the process though, making the right choices and being diligent. As my struggle to conceive continues, I am working harder at doing just that. So that my body would be restored and life would come – in more ways than one.

Are you broken? Physically or mentally, are you worn down from a battle? Whatever you face, know that as you seek God for wisdom in doing your part, he will come with his love and his grace to restore you to life.

I will believe that for you and for me.