{No, we are not closing the blog or taking the book off the shelves. Keep reading and you’ll see exactly what “shop” I’m closing up this year.}

My sweet miracle boy

As I write this, I am sitting in Dr. Rupe’s office waiting for a procedure that will permanently prevent me from becoming pregnant again. It seems oddly monumental to be putting an end to my season of infertility and child bearing. After all of the longing and waiting and struggle, it’s almost ironic to be “closing up shop” as I like to say.

I hope that this post does not create controversy. I’m simply sharing my story, not trying to posture my beliefs on birth control and pregnancy prevention. It’s an extremely personal decision that should be deeply covered in prayer. My husband and I feel very peaceful about our decision. We believe the Lord has completed our biological family (we are open to adoption in the future) and with my history of miscarriage, it feels almost irresponsible for me to get pregnant by surprise. So we are taking the steps we feel led to take in order to close this chapter of our lives and peacefully move forward.

Part of me is excited to move on…to put all of the energy I used to spend on hoping and praying for children into loving and leading them. Yet, there’s a part of my heart that is grieving…the hope, the excitement and the joy of new life. Never again will I feel those tiny baby flutters inside my belly. Never again will I experience the breathtaking miracle of childbirth. As long as it took to travel this road and as hard as the journey was, in hindsight it was a mere blink of the eye.

“So as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so through Christ our comfort also overflows.” 2 Corinthians 1:5

My dad and I were talking this morning about how suffering was built into the cross of Christ. It was part of his story and thus it is part of ours. But the purpose of our suffering is to bring deeper intimacy with Jesus. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again…I often miss the sweetness that came with the sorrow of infertility and loss. It drew me so close to Jesus. As I stand here, at a major crossroad of my adult life I pray that I can take what I’ve learned about suffering and carry it with me through every season ahead of me. In those moments when I feel like a mothering failure…when I think my children will never “get it”…someday if I lose a loved one…or if we hit a financial hardship…may I allow the reality of his presence to carry me through. Whatever it takes to keep me desperately clinging to him, that I will joyfully bear.

Thank you for allowing me to share my journey so openly here. It’s been wonderfully therapeutic to get it all out in the blogosphere and I feel like I’ve been surrounded by a community of women – some on a similar journey and some on an altogether different path – all cheering me on from the sidelines. I pray this blog does the same for all of you no matter where you are. We are in this together and once we are on the other side of child-bearing, we can hopefully walk together in child-rearing {Man, do I need support there! And I thought getting pregnant was hard…}.

My deepest desire for this blog is to use what he has taught me through this journey to love and support all of you. I am committed to hearing from him on all he has for me to share in the future. But that does NOT mean we will stop talking about infertility, miscarriage and trying to conceive. That is part of both my and Dr. Rupe’s hearts and stories and it’s a large part of the reason we wrote the book and started this ministry. I suppose this post is a bit self-indulgent. I just felt I needed to express my innermost thoughts and utmost gratitude to you, my Pregnancy Companion community. Thank you again for walking with me.

Looking forward to where he leads next,

Jessica

With all of my patients, as they enter the third trimester, I discuss what their contraceptive plans are for after the baby is born.

Many smile a beautiful, blissful, glowingly pregnant smile and say, “Oh no. I don’t think we will ever use contraception again.  Hopefully we will get pregnant again right away!”

Fast forward to their postpartum visit. A sleep deprived, exhausted new mom sits before me. Her first topic of conversation: contraception.  While she is madly in love with her new baby, the thought of having another right away is a little overwhelming. She is not physically ready to go down that road again.

Some women are ready right away. I once had a women ask me at delivery when she could try for another baby. My answer, “Well, you at least have to wait for me to get the placenta out!”

The decision on when to try for your next child, obviously depends on many factors. Finances, age, personal goals and beliefs on contraception are just a few. I was recently asked on our FB page what the ideal timing between pregnancies is from a medical stand point. According to studies looking at pregnancy outcomes, it is best to conceive 18 months to 4 years after your last delivery.

I find it interesting that the ‘optimal’ time for conception of the next child is about 18 months since this is when children are truly at their most adorable. Full of toothy grins and giggles as they toddle around.  This stage of ultimate cuteness entices people to have another baby. They then proceed to conceive before their child hits the ‘terrific twos.’ Which while adorable, at least in my house, is a challenging time.

Pregnancies conceived less than 18 months since the last delivery have an increased risk of preterm delivery and low birth weight. Pregnancy takes a lot out of your body, and it takes time for a woman to recover from the stress and for her nutrient supplies to get back to normal. The theory is that the body has not fully recovered at less than 18 months causing the baby’s extra risk of not growing as well (low birth weight). The risk of preterm delivery is further amplified in teens who conceive again quickly, since teens have often used their nutritional supplies on their own growth as well as their baby’s.

VBAC: Women who attempted a trial of labor after a cesarean section have an increased risk of uterine rupture if the pregnancies are less than 18 months apart.

Pregnancies conceived less than 12 months since the last delivery have an increased rate of placental abnormalities, such as placenta previa and placental abruption. Placenta previa is a condition where the placenta covers the opening of the cervix making vaginal delivery unsafe and increasing the risk of hemorrhage. Placental abruption occurs when the placenta begins to detach from the uterus before the baby is delivered.  It can result in hemorrhage and fetal distress.

Pregnancies conceived less than 6 months from delivery have an increased rate of neural tube defects and autism. Neural tube defect is associated with low maternal folate levels, so most likely in pregnancies less than 6 months apart, the mother has not had time to fully replenish those supplies.

Pregnancies conceived greater than 4 years from the last delivery  have an increased rate of preeclampsia, fetal growth restriction and cesarean section. It is unsure why this increased risk is seen other than the possible health changes in the mom over this time.

The actual ‘increased risk’ in each of the cases is statistically significant but overall low for the average woman. Take preterm delivery, the risk increase with conceiving early is 20%. For the average mom with no history of preterm birth, this changes her risk from 1% to 1.2%, which is negligible. However, a woman with a previous preterm delivery sees her risk go from 15% to 18%. These increased risks are most significant for those moms who already have risk factors for these conditions.

For the average healthy mom with no medical problems and a vaginal delivery, the increased risks of these complications with conceiving again soon are extremely low. Women with a cesarean section should wait 18 months for their scar to fully heal, especially if they desire a trial of labor (VBAC). Those with a history of pregnancy complications listed above are advised to wait the suggested interval before conceiving.

Lots of prayer and being on the same page with your spouse should be at the forefront when you are making the decision on when to have another child. But knowing the medical facts is equally important for making sure you are ready – both body and mind – to grow your family.

From a practical standpoint, we’d love to hear from our readers who have multiple children on how the timing worked for you.