Patient #1 - “Lucy” is a new patient who recently got married and relocated to my city. She is coming to see me to discuss fertility. Her inability to conceive despite 3 months of trying has left her feeling frustrated. She breaks down into tears during the visit, “It’s not fair. ALL my friends are pregnant, when is it going to happen for me?”

Patient #2 - “Diane” is a long term patient, seeing me for her yearly well woman check. Reviewing the chart before walking into the room, I notice that for the last 4 years she had told me that she was considering trying to conceive. When I brought this up to the patient, she stated that she wanted to have children, but it never seemed like the perfect time. She wanted to wait one more year to get a few more things in order financially.

“Lucy” is 19 and “Diane” is 38. My examples might appear extreme, but I see these scenarios on a weekly basis.

Determining when to have your first child is a personal decision based on a multitude of factors. There is rarely a ‘perfect time’ to have a baby, but there are areas of your life that are helpful to have in order before you embark on the adventure of parenthood. Children are a beautiful gift, no matter when they come, but I am often asked what is the optimal time to have a baby. With half of all pregnancies being unplanned, some couples do not have the privilege of getting their ducks in order first, but for those who get a chance to plan accordingly, here are some issues to consider.

Age

Tick. Tick. Tick. Many of us have heard the all too real alarm of our biological clock blaring. One of the biggest concerns of most women is age. While age is an important factor when considering fertility it should not be taken as the only indication to have a baby.

Women are most fertile between the ages of 20-24. Fertility then begins to decline at age 30 and then more sharply at 37. Miscarriage rates begin to increase after age 35, reaching upwards of 5o% after age 40. I don’t put those numbers out there to strike fear in your heart, but to give you a realistic picture of human fertility. Yes, in an ideal world it would be best to complete your family before the age of 30, but I have many patients with healthy pregnancies in their 30′s and 40′s. It is by all means possible to have babies in your 40′s, but statistically the chances of conception do decrease with age.

The risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome and other genetic abnormalities increases with maternal age as well.

Here’s the numbers:
At the age of 20 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 2000
At the age of 35 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 250
At the age of 40 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 69
At the age of 45 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 19

Let’s look at the numbers another way. What’s your chances of having a baby that DOESN’T have Down’s syndrome?
At the age of 20 i’ts 99.995%.
At the age of 35 it’s 99.6%.
At the age of 40 it’s 98.6%.
At the age of 45 it’s 94.8%.

 Health

It’s is best to conceive when you are at a healthy weight. Ideally a BMI between 17-27 is associated with the best chance of conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy.

All chronic medical conditions should be stable for 6 months before getting pregnant. Talk to your doctor if you have diabetes, high blood pressure, lupus, hypothyroid or other chronic diseases to make sure you are stable on medication that is safe in pregnancy for 6 months before conceiving.

Marriage

“Taking care of a colicky baby has really enriched our marriage!” said NO COUPLE EVER.

As I see women in my office for their annual checkups, I have noted several times over the years where a patient comes in to discuss getting pregnant in one visit, then sadly the next year she is divorced.

Having a baby is one of the most amazing experiences of your life. It is also very hard and stressful. A baby should never be looked at as a way to save or improve an already rocky relationship. It is going to test your relationship, so you want to make sure that you are starting in a solid place.

A lot of marriage experts recommend being married between 3-5 years before adding kids to the mix. Take the time to invest in each other and build a stable marriage before kids.

Ideally you want to limit the number of major life events that occur around the same year as having a baby such as moving, changing jobs or getting married. All of these add additional stress to your life and relationship.

Finances/Career

I recently prescribed a medication to help a patient conceive. She called the office later stating it was too expensive and requested samples. The medication was $25.

If $25 is straining your budget, you probably can’t afford a baby right now.

You do not have to be rich to have a baby, but you do need to have financial stability. A steady income and health insurance are a must, while 3 -6 months of savings in the bank, a budget, and plan for childcare would be ideal.

God’s Timing

You and your spouse should be in full agreement on your decision to start your family. As you prayerfully consider the timing, you should each feel a sense of peace about the journey. There are always moments in your parenting journey where you say to yourself, ‘What was I thinking?’ If you know from the start that you are following God’s timing for your life, then you will have an added level of reassurance on the long days of two year old tantrums.

In today’s society, there are not many couples who are going to be financially stable and married for 3 years by age 25 in order to be done with their families by age 30. These are all recommendations to help provide guidance, not rigid rules. There must be a balance between my examples of Lucy and Diane. You can’t wait until everything is perfect or it might not happen, and you can’t live in fear of getting too old and rush into kids before you are truly ready either.

Despite the best of our own planning, God has a way of putting our family together just the way it was meant to be, in His perfect timing.

 What do you think is the most important factor in starting a family?

I begged God for my children.

I petitioned. . .contended. . .and pleaded with him to let me be a mom.

I knew in my heart that my being a mom was part of his plan for my life and the asking and believing was as well.

Here they are. . .my two beautiful miracles. Well worth the work {of said begging and pleading} and the wait.

But just like every mom, I have hard days. Because let’s face it. . .no matter the process by which you came to be one, being a mom is just.plain.hard.

Having walked through a process of intently asking God to allow me the privilege of being a mom, I often feel guilty on the hard days. How could someone who wanted so badly to be a mother, dare complain when it gets uncomfortable? I feel ungrateful and undeserved of these beautiful blessings.

This week as we head into the Thanksgiving holiday, much like everyone else, my heart and mind are focused on ways I can express gratitude for all of the amazing blessings in my life. There are too many to count. Truly. Most of all, these children that I fought for.

The thing about gratitude is. . .it often lies beneath layers of life in our heart. I’m learning to purposefully peel back those layers to get to a heart of gratitude. It’s not that I am not thankful for my children. God knows that. It’s just that the reality of life often piles on top of my thankful heart, causing me to abandon my thanksgiving and embrace an attitude of overwhelming stress. It’s a shame really. But I don’t have to be ashamed.

Instead of allowing guilt to rob me this week, I am making an effort to peel back those layers. To stop and focus my mind on all of the things I have to be thankful for. My husband and I will involve the children in this process because their hearts too often get piled upon with life and wants and messages of selfishness. We will help them peel back those layers this week to uncover their heart of thanksgiving.

Whether we beg God for something or it comes to us in effortless provision, our gratitude should be the same. . .because “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” {James 1:17 NIV}

What have you begged God for in your life? Do you sometimes feel ungrateful because you’ve allowed the stress of life to overshadow the miracle of his provision? How can you peel back those layers this week?

Happy Thanksgiving Friends! Dr. Rupe and I are so thankful for this community of moms and moms-to-be who desire to encourage and uplift one another. Blessings to you and your families this week!

I’m a picture-taking fool.

I think I got this endearing trait from my mother. I can remember whining, “Mom, enough with the camera already.” And now my daughter echos my adolescent impatience. If you follow me on Instagram or even Facebook – look out. You will likely get tired of the photos of my everyday life (i.e. my kids doing things only I find precious and yet still feel compelled to share with the world). I admire those moms who find the patience and the time to participate in scrapbooking rituals such as the amazing Project Life phenomenon that is taking over the world. I’m content to simply create one digital photo book per year and regularly switch out the photos that adorn our walls (I’m so old school).

Whatever your method for capturing and preserving memories, they are likely some of the most precious possessions you have. We are so blessed to have the options we have to chronicle our lives and the lives of our children. Now that we are inundated with Pinterest pins and Instagram feeds, it would be easy to feel overwhelmed or even as though we can’t measure up to other moms out there. Whether you go to town recording and capturing every moment or you follow a simple, minimalist method of memory keeping – the final product should reflect you and your family. Don’t get caught up in the competition of the process or you will miss out on the point.

We are excited to have the chance to do a fun giveaway this week in partnership with UPrinting.com

One lucky winner will receive one of UPrinting.com’s 16″ x 20″ Rolled Canvas Prints {free shipping in the US only}.

Their turn around time is pretty quick so you just might be able to give the print as a mother’s day gift!

Entry options are below. Make sure you provide your email address so we can get in touch with you.

We’d love to hear your methods of preserving memories. What’s worked for you? Share with us in the comments for one entry to win this great prize!

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Last month when we attended Blissdom, we had the privilege of meeting several of the amazing sponsors. Of course my favorite booth was Hershey’s. Those that know me know that chocolate is a weakness for me. Actually, I think weakness is an understatement. And if I love chocolate than I adore, no, I’m in love with chocolate and peanut butter. I am pretty sure we’ll be dining on Reese’s peanut butter eggs (they are even better than the cups) in heaven – guilt free of course, what with it being heaven and all. This week I’m excited to share some of my favorite Easter memories with you as part of Hershey’s Hop on the Bunny Trail. You can find some great ideas, recipes and products on the site so check it out this week. There is still time to plan your Easter memories!

My earliest memories of Easter include finally getting to wear heels at age 8 (they were iridescent), meals with family (either in a home or taking over a local restaurant with my largely awesome, Italian family) and of course – hoping and praying there would be a large peanut butter egg in my Easter basket. Not just any PB egg would do though. It had to be Reese’s. Everything else was simply second rate.

This past year we welcomed our second child and completed our family (as far as we know…we are, of course open if the Lord would lead us to adopt in the future). The holidays seem different to me now, as a mom who feels her nest is full. If ever I wanted to start family traditions, I should start them now. Now that both my children would benefit. Being a Christian family we believe Easter is a celebration of the death and resurrection of Christ. My children will not understand this for several years so I’ve been thinking of ways to celebrate the holiday in ways that will build up to their full understanding. It’s easy to tell a preschooler that Christmas is Jesus’ birthday…the day he was born and came to live here on Earth. But how can I express the day he died? Or harder yet, the day he miraculously rose again?

I have always been that mom who over-explains things to her kids.

“Mommy is going to change your diaper now so you can be all clean for your nap.” {I said to my 3 week old}

“Do you understand why mommy said you can’t touch that? It could hurt you.” {I said to my 6 month old}

“Grandma is in heaven with Jesus. Sometimes Jesus decides not to heal us on earth. He decides it’s time for us to live with him in heaven.” {I said to my 3 year old}

But this time it’s different. I haven’t even tried to explain Easter. I’m letting it be about family and Easter egg hunts and of course, Reese’s peanut butter eggs. I’m learning the more I try to make them understand, the more I water down the truth. They will come to know what we believe as they observe our lives and as I’m given the words that match their understanding (through God’s grace). In all my Easter memories I can’t remember my parents sitting me down and telling me the details of the Easter story. I’m sure they did at some point but it’s not what I remember. I remember joy and family. I remember sharing and giving. I remember that Easter meant something deep to them because it was the foundation of their faith. They didn’t have to put that into words. Their very lives expressed it.

This year, as I reflect on my own Easter memories, I am committed to making age-appropriate memories with my little ones. Bring on the joy. Bring on the fun. Bring on the abundant feast. After all, it was the sacrifice of Jesus’ life that provides all these things.

What are some of your favorite Easter memories? How do they affect how you share Easter with your children?

I can hardly believe this year is almost over! It’s been a very full year for my family….including sad loss, miracle life and a ton of transition. The fact that we’ve come to the end of 2011 in one piece, full of joy and excited about the future is a great testimony to the grace of God!

Earlier in the fall I wrote a post about family prayers, sharing how the Lord led me to write and pray specific prayers over my husband and children in order to contend for specific things in their lives while celebrating the uniqueness of each of them. I want to revisit the idea and challenge us all to write and pray specific prayers as we turn the calendar and enter 2012. I can’t think of a better time to focus on the power of prayer in our family life. What are you believing for your husband and children in 2012? In what areas do they need growth and breakthrough? What challenging personality traits do you need to embrace and celebrate? I find that writing an honest and heartfelt prayer for these things allows me to focus my otherwise busy mind on what matters most.

I encourage you…take an hour or so over the next few days…sit down with your journal and a cup of something warm…and write your heart out to God on behalf of your family.

First, ask him to reveal to you the wonderful uniqueness of each family member. Thank him for their life.

Next, ask him to show you how you can stand in the gap for them this year. Areas of growth, challenges, awaited miracles.

Then, write a prayer for each of them.

Try to keep each prayer to a paragraph. 4-6 sentences. This way you can print them out and keep them in your bible or maybe on your bathroom mirror or in the car. Somewhere you will see them daily and remember to pray. Try making a prayer card for each one {like this one}. You can write answers to your prayers {with the date} below your prayers throughout the year. Then, put them together to make a prayer journal for each of your family members.

I am committed to walking through this process again because I believe these prayers may need to be adjusted on a regular basis. I look forward to 2012 with great anticipation of all God has in store for my family. Let’s do our part moms to cover our loved ones and expect great things for them in the coming year.

Praying with you,

Jessica

What do you believe?

{UPDATE: The winner for our What’s In The Bible giveaway is Kristy C! Congrats Kristy!}

This year we have a new stocking holder on the mantle adorning a complete set of stockings that I’ve waited to display for a long time now.

What might seem like a simple and traditional piece of Christmas decor actually means the world to me for all it represents.

BELIEVE it boldly states.

As I sit peacefully in our dimly lit living room – brightened only by the light of our tree – I am asking myself what this bold statement means to me…to our family.

BELIEVE.

I’ve asked myself a similar question a lot lately as I begin to try to instill family values in our preschooler. It’s been easy to go about our lives – just my husband and myself – knowing deep down what we believe to be true about life and faith without ever really vocalizing it. I pray that our actions and our words have expressed those beliefs and while I think what comes out of you is the most powerful expression of what you believe, I know it’s not enough. Especially when trying to teach a wee one.

I am working to put into words the truths we hold in our hearts so that daily we can live them out in our lives. Christmas is such a wonderful time to do this because after all, it all started with Jesus…he is the reason we can believe in anything.

WE BELIEVE

in Jesus

in ourselves

in each other

in others

in grace

in love

in hope

in giving

in serving

in encouraging

in forgiveness

in redemption

in perseverance

in laughter

in prayer

in miracles

What do YOU believe? What do you want YOUR CHILDREN to believe? Make a list and challenge yourself to make sure your words and deeds match up with what’s on paper. Use the list to daily guide your actions and decisions allowing your children and those around you to see that you truly believe in those values. I am challenging myself to do just that. I know I won’t live up to it 100% of the time but 5th down from the top “we believe in grace” means I’m covered and so are you.

{GIVEAWAY!} This week we have the privilege of giving away the amazing What’s In The Bible: Why Do We Call It Christmas?* DVD. If you are looking for a fun and creative way to teach young children about what you believe, this series by Veggie Tales creator, Phil Vischer is a must have. Using fast-moving, catchy animation, puppets, music and more, What’s In The Bible shares biblical truths that may even teach mom and dad a thing or two.

To enter, simply leave a comment sharing a value your family believes in. Like The Pregnancy Companion on Facebook or follow us on Twitter for extra entries. Just leave a comment saying you did so. *Visit the link above for all kinds of great Christmas printables and resources!

Believing in the joy and wonder of the season,

Jessica

Happy Black Friday! I’m sure many of you are out braving your local shopping stores and malls, eager to find the best deal of the year on just about everything. I’m saying a quick deal-lovers prayer for all of you. May your brave ambition lead you to great money-saving discoveries.

But not me. No, you won’t find this shopaholic out there in the wild today. I’m writing this post as I stay home with the kids so my husband can go golfing with his dad. He’ll be home in time for me to grab an 80 minute massage before dinner time. {Don’t think for a moment we can afford these luxuries. Both were obtained from Groupon. Oh, how I love thee Groupon!} Yes, we chose today, instead of the craziness of American commerce, to relax.

I finished my Christmas shopping last week. I’m sure many of you are closing this browser window or cursing at me right now. This is not meant to be a bragging post. I simply want to share why I purpose to finish my shopping before Thanksgiving when I can. That may not be possible for some like my sweet sister in law who has her busiest working season of the year up until mid-November. And some may love the thrill of Black Friday or the last-minute Christmas Eve hunt. Whatever method you are able to use and allows you to enjoy the holiday season is what I recommend.

I am a task master who loves crossing items off of my “to do” or “to buy” list. I’ll be honest and tell you that is my main motivation for getting the shopping done early. But obviously that is a personality trait and not a good enough reason to encourage others to do the same.

You might wonder why I am waiting until Black Friday to write this post. I defintely believe in celebrating one holiday at a time. I didn’t want to take anyone’s focus away from it. And while I felt led to share my thoughts on the subject, I didn’t want to put any unneeded pressure on your already crazy lives. Think about these reasons that I am sharing and then decide if they resonate with you and your family. There are plenty of Christmas seasons to come should you decide to adopt a similar strategy.

Three reasons for getting the Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving:

1. Avoiding the craziness of the mall, Target, Costco, etc… Crowded places stress me out. The thought of fighting over the last sale priced princess doll makes we want to throw up. For me, there is nothing like shopping stress to take all the joy out of the holidays. With my shopping done, I can use the month of December to build up all the joy and wonder of the season without having it stripped away by mall parking lot road rage.

2. Focusing on others leading up to the season… Instead of seeing me run around like crazy trying to snag gifts for our family or for them, my kids will hopefully see me focusing on others in need. With my family shopping complete, we can now focus on programs like the Salvation Army Angel Tree and volunteering for local holiday related efforts. True, shopping for an angel will require a trip to Target but let’s face it, I can’t avoid Target for a whole month. I’m bound to be there and with only a bright eyed and hopeful child or two to shop for, I can focus on teaching my children how to give to others.

3. Having the time and head space to really teach the little ones about the true meaning of Christmas… This year we will start using an advent calendar to share the story of Christmas with our children. My hope is that having this activity in the forefront of our days {instead of running from place to place to buy all sorts of things}, my kids will begin to understand that Christmas is not about presents. It is about Christ and he should be at the center of it all.

Last year around this time I did a post about our 3 gift simplicity strategy. This is yet another way we try to keep things simple and focused on others. Several people have asked me to repeat that post so I’m linking to it here.

Each child receives three gifts {plus some stocking stuffers}:
Gold – the big gift they’ve been wanting
Frankincense – something for their body
Myrrh – something for their spiritual or personal development

That’s it. Simple and purposeful.

For us, these things help keep the season merry. Less stress, a more central focus on the savior and others in need are sure fire ways to keep Christmas bright.

How does your family try to keep your Christmas merry and bright? We’d love to hear your ideas.

Praying that this next month is full of joy and wonder for you and your family,
Jessica

This week, I have been compelled to write specific prayers for each of my children and my husband in an effort to focus on the blessings they are and the unique qualities and purpose of their lives. It’s got me thinking that this is something I should do on a regular basis. As seasons and circumstances change, having prayers that we pray over our family that are specific to what they are going through or perhaps struggling with can be a very powerful tool as a mother and wife desiring to nurture her family. I plan to follow up this post next month (as we get closer to the end of the year because the new year is always a great time to start something new) with a Family Prayer Challenge to encourage our readers to think about implementing a similar strategy. In the meantime, I thought I’d share the prayers I’ve been led to pray to cover my children and my husband and to keep the many blessings of life in perspective.

For my daughter…
Dear Jesus, thank you for the gift of Hope. Her sweet smile warms my heart. Please help me to be exactly the mother she needs. I know you will continue to give me wisdom and patience to lead her well. May I remember to access your love and grace in each moment. Help me to celebrate and nurture the unique qualities that you’ve given her…even when they frustrate my selfish plans. Show me the areas I need to tame through gentle guidance and grace. May she be a testimony of your love as her lively spirit spreads joy and hope to every life she encounters. Amen.

For my son…
Dear Jesus, thank you for my sweet boy, Joshua. His joyful spirit is like life to my sometimes weary soul. Please help me be exactly the mother he needs. Although the infant stage can be hard, I pray that I would remember to soak up each tender moment with him in my arms for they will pass too quickly. May I focus my heart on loving and nurturing him instead of merely surviving the craziness of each day. Open my eyes to see who you’ve made him to be, even now, so that I may guide him towards the plans you’ve planned for him. May he be a testimony to the miraculous work of your hands. Amen.

For my husband…
Dear Jesus, thank you for my perfect partner, Dave. Every day I am blessed by the strong character he possesses. His servant leadership in our home is the foundation of our family. Help me Lord to recognize how I can bless and serve him each day. He isn’t one to come out and say it so show me holy spirit just what he needs. Father, give me eyes to see the plans you’ve planned for him so I can encourage his growth.  May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart toward my husband be pleasing to you Lord and uplifting to him. Amen.

What are some ways you have been led to pray over your family? We’d love to hear your ideas about how to keep prayer at the forefront of our minds in the midst of very busy lives. . .

Praying always,

Jessica

P.S. As I’ve thought more about it this week, I wanted to encourage women who are currently waiting for God to bring them a child (we have several in our community) to begin praying specific prayers for your baby, even now. For some it may be too hard to do (I completely understand) and that’s ok. But if you feel your heart can. . .offer up prayers of faith for your baby yet-to-be. I believe that doing so will help faith rise up in you as you wait. And I know our gracious God will honor your faithfulness in prayer.