For our last post in the contraception series, I am going to talk about the options for when you are sure that your family is complete. These methods are all permanent. Yes, there are billboards that advertise vasectomy and tubal reversal; but those procedures are expensive and not always successful.

Tubal Ligation

Tubal ligation or “Havin’ your tubes tied” as we say down south, refers to several different methods of clamping or cutting your tubes to prevent the sperm and egg from meeting. A tubal can be done quite easily at the time of cesarean section, but at any other time it requires additional anesthesia and surgery.

The surgical procedure is a laparoscopy, which involves an incision to be made in your belly button and a telescope inserted through with a device that clamps or burns your tubes. The risks of surgery are low, but it does require general anesthesia. Recovery is often 2-4 days. The procedure is effective immediately.

A tubal does not effect your hormones or menstrual cycle in any way.

Tubal ligation has a 10 year failure rate of 6/1,000.

Essure

Essure is an office procedure where a telescope is inserted up inside your uterus and the tubes are blocked from the inside. The procedure takes about 10 minutes and you are given medicine to relax (usually valium). Most women can resume regular activity the next day. The coils that are placed in your tubes cause your tubes to grow shut in a process that takes 3 months. After 3 months, you need an xray called an HSG to confirm that your tubes are blocked.

Essure is very effective with a 10 year failure rate of 1/1000.

Vasectomy

Vasectomy is an office procedure, usually performed by a urologist. It involves making a small incision in the scrotum to incise the tube that carries the sperm to the penis. It takes 3 months to be fully effective. The recovery is usually a couple of days. It does not effect the man’s hormones or sexual performance.

It has a 10 year failure rate of 10/1,000.

Have you {or your husband} had either of these procedures? Are you thinking about making a move towards permanent birth control?

In the 11 years I’ve been birthin’ babies, I’ve heard some crazy things in the delivery room. While most dads try their best to be supportive during labor, lets face it, this is an entirely new adventure for them. Here are some of the common gaffs that I hear dads make.

1. “That looks easy!”

This is a common faux pas that comes out surprisingly often in the delivery room. I will usually attempt to help save their marriage by suggesting that what he meant to say was “Honey you did so awesome, that you made it look easy.”

Most often, it is an honest mistake on the part of the dad.  In the excitement of the moment, he’s not sure what to say. Trust me dads, no delivery is ever ‘easy.’

2. “My back hurts.”

I recently had a dad request my stool, as I went to deliver his wife’s baby. “Sorry sir, I need the stool to help bring your child into this world,” I said. “But my back really hurts” he replied, as his wife was pushing…without an epidural.

Really, dude? No, you cannot have my stool. You can stand there and be supportive of your beautiful wife as she experiences the worst pain of her life. Plus, I went to school a long time for the privilege of sitting on this stool. Are you going to ask to wear my white coat next, because you are chilly?

While your wife is in labor, you are not allowed to complain. I don’t care if you have a herniated disc and you have been asked to sleep on the floor.

On a related note, it is also bad form to sleep while your wife is pushing.

3. “No, honey you can’t have an epidural, because WE have decided to have natural childbirth.”

Beforehand, women often tell their husbands to not let them get an epidural, no matter what they say. But sometimes…they really mean it.

This is a sticky situation for the dad,  similar to the questions, “Does this outfit make me look fat?” or “Do you think my friend is cute?”  He doesn’t always know the right answer.

He wants to stick to the ‘birth plan’ but he also doesn’t want his wife to suffer. I feel for you dad, but no matter how involved you are in coaching the labor, referring to the experiences of birth in the first person is never a good idea.

In all seriousness, it is a good idea to have a secret code word that your wife can tell you when she really means business about the epidural.

4. “This Chick-fil-A is so awesome!”

Most hospitals do not allow the laboring mom to eat, so don’t devour a Chick-fil-A sandwich in front of your hungry wife. Even if she is not hungry, the smell of food can make her nauseated.

As an aside, do not ever bring a tuna fish sandwich into the room. It stinks…in a bad way.

5. “Just one second, let me finish this Tweet.”

Recently I had to utter a phrase in the delivery room that I thought I would never have to say:

“Dad put down your iPhone, come over here and cut the cord.”  I swear I did.

Technology is awesome. As soon as the baby is born, you want to get the news out ASAP. But take a few minutes and enjoy the birth of your child before you start Facebooking it.

Also, don’t randomly start uploading delivery room pictures, until you look at them very closely. Another technology mistake is the accidental crotch shot upload.

The majority of dads, even the ones who make these mistakes, are overall very supportive. Most dads do rise to the occasion, as I’m sure your hubby will. Just to be safe though, you may want to ‘accidentally’ leave this post up on his laptop tonight.

Did your husband say something he shouldn’t have while you were in labor? If you haven’t experienced birth yet, what do you hope he doesn’t say?

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’re talking today about how dads-to-be can show LOVE to their wives throughout their pregnancy. Dr. Rupe had an OB appointment a few weeks back when the father-to-be pulled her aside to ask what he could do to help his wife throughout her pregnancy. I think we can all agree this dude deserves the father-to-be of the year award for that move! It prompted Dr. Rupe to think about what husbands can do to serve their pregnant wives. We asked our community of moms to weigh in as well on how their men helped them while they were carrying baby.

We’ve all seen the commercials or the scenarios played out on countless sitcoms. . .mama has a craving and daddy must run out wearing only his boxers (for fear that taking too long to change his pants would put his ice cream-craving, pregnant wife over the edge) in the middle of the night to grab some mint chocolate chip or heavenly hash. This may not be the best way for your man to show his love and care for you. . .but there are many other things he can do to serve you during your pregnancy.

Ladies, this post is not meant to make you feel badly for all the things your husband isn’t doing. It’s not meant to make you mad at him for not thinking to ask your doctor what he could do for you. We hope you will share this post with them in an effort to communicate what you might need from him during this time.

Dads-to-be. . .if you’ve not yet taken an active role in serving and caring for your pregnant wife, we hope this post will give you some ideas and encourage you to do so. There is no way you could understand how taxing it is to grow a life inside your body. It’s wonderful yet exhausting. It’s effortless yet challenging. It’s beautiful yet ugly. Those dichotomies alone are enough to make you mad!

With all of these suggestions, the important thing is to offer to do it before she has to ask. That is what makes a woman feel the most cared for. I don’t know many men who will refuse when asked to do something but it means so much more when we don’t have to ask and when you serve us with joy.

10 Ways Husbands Can LOVE On Their Pregnant Wives

1. Bring her a snack or drink. Learn her pregnancy eating habits and offer it before she has to ask.

2. Rub her back or feet or legs. Heck, rub anything that makes her feel better! Her body is likely aching a lot!

3. Offer to cook a few meals. This may not be your strength daddy but grilled cheese will do. Or pick up take out on the way home from work.

4. Send her to take a bath. She may not even want to make the effort but once she is soaking in that warm, bubbly tub, she will feel so much better!

5. Help out more with household chores. . .especially those that require bending over (in the 3rd trimester).

6. Be sensitive about sex and intimacy. Talk openly about it. Let her know your needs but understand her feelings as well.

7. Tell her she’s beautiful. Every. Single. Day.

8. Engage in baby prep and planning. She will be nesting. Big time. Don’t fight it. Surrender to her baby bliss and get involved!

9. If you already have children, help her with bath and bedtime routines (more so than you normally would) as this is when she is likely exhausted.

10. Be a good sport and joyfully take pregnancy photos with your beautiful, pregnant wife. You will cherish them in years to come.

I’m sure there are countless more ideas for how men can serve pregnant mamas. We’d love to discuss your ideas as well. Leave a comment to start the conversation!

We’re linking up with oh amanda’s Top Ten Tuesday again today. Check out her post with great encouragement for bloggers and many other links to super fun Top 10 posts!

Praying we will know how to give and receive LOVE today and everyday,

Jessica