We are so excited to launch our new “sister” community, GraceforMoms.com! We have thoroughly enjoyed the community that has been built here and will continue to blog about trying to conceive, infertility, pregnancy and birth. Our hearts are passionate about ministering to women on their journey to motherhood.

In order to expand our reach (and in preparation for The Baby Companion book that we are working on now). . .we are launching a brand new community for moms where women will find a place of grace to share and discuss issues of motherhood, family, ministry and more.

The site will go live on Mother’s Day, May 13th and we’ll celebrate with 12 Days of Giveaways! You don’t want to miss the party where you’ll hear from several of the amazing women that will be writing with us. These moms have stories to tell and we know they will inspire and challenge us all. Most of all, we know they will start conversations about motherhood that are covered in grace. Stop by the site now and sign up to receive email updates. Then don’t miss our 12 Days of Giveaways following the launch on May 13th! Here’s a list of the great stuff we’ll be giving away:

GraceforMoms.com 12 Days of Giveaways

May 14 – What’s In The Bible DVD Pack

May 15 – Tommy Nelson Princess Prize Pack

May 16 – Small Bird Studios $25 Etsy Shop Credit

May 17 – Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman Books and CDs

May 18 – Angela Thomas Book Pack

May 19 – The No Brainer Wardrobe Eb00k

May 20 – Praise Baby CD/DVD Pack

May 21 – New Christian Music CD Pack

May 22 – Spirit Led Parenting Book

May 23 – Faithful Provisions Saving Savvy Book

May 24 – Word Records CD Brick

May 25 – Grand Prize, $100 Spa Finder Giftcard*

We look forward to seeing you over at Grace for Moms!

*Grand Prize winner will be chosen from all entries for previous days giveaways. So make sure you enter each day for more chances to win the Spa Finder giftcard!

Dear Mother Yet-To-Be,

I can hear the ache in your heart. It echos loudly in mine -

because I was once a mother yet-to-be.

I understand the longing unfulfilled, the questions, the pain. You wonder why you’ve yet to be chosen. . .chosen to lavish love on another like only you could. You wonder why you must wait while countless others go before you.

Oh how I understand. How I know the deep well of longing that often drowns all other aspects of life.

Your heart begs to know. . .What is so wrong with wanting to love with a mother love? How could this request go unnoticed. . . unanswered for so long?

You find yourself treading the path of bitterness and empathy yet you fight to keep your joy…

your peace…

your hope.

Oh dear mother yet-to-be, if I could I would kneel down to where you are, hold your face gently in the cup of my hands and wipe away your longing tears. I would whisper softly. . .

Mothers aren’t chosen. They are born.

They are born the moment a woman begins to long for life.

And as the Heavenly Father begins to fill your heart with hope, I would boldly say. . .

Stand.

Stand up dear mother. Stand up and fight for your family.

Let His faithful heart of favor reveal His plan for your children. . .

Then rise up with your mother heart and walk in confidence to contend for what is yet t0 be.

Because it will be.

{This post is part of the Mother Letters link up. I encourage you to check out this beautiful and powerful book written by several amazing mothers with a heart to minister to YOU and me.}

Photo Credit

My little brother and his beautiful wife are expecting baby #2 in the fall. My maiden name, while completely Italian and one I am quite proud of, is a bit unique. Not a lot of names flow nicely with it. Although I begged God to send me a dreamboat with the last name Smith or Jones, I’m sure he chuckled when he revealed his will for me to marry Mr. Wolstenholm. I am also very proud to bear the Wolstenholm name but similarly, it cannot be paired with just any first name. My kid brother and his wife have considered going with a traditional Italian name that would pair beautifully with their surname. After giving it some thought however, they’ve decided to steer clear of anything that would suggest a mafia relation. Needless to say the baby naming process in our family is tough.

There are a host of baby naming resources out there from websites to books to smart phone applications. Add to that the current trend of naming your baby just about anything (say after a fruit or a car perhaps) and you will not be at a loss for options. Options are not the issue when naming your baby. Finding the one, standout name that makes your heart feel immediately connected to the little person growing inside of you (or that you just met if you wait until you see him/her) is the tough part. You can peruse every list that comes across your path as you wait for your little one’s arrival but you will likely see the same names on every list. You can study the lists intently (as I did) and time may change the way you feel about a name or two. But more than likely, you will end up back where you started. . .with a long list of names you do not connect with.

Choosing your baby’s name may be the easiest decision you make regarding your little one (say if you’ve had a name picked out for years) or it may be the hardest choice you are facing.

The first step is to decide if you want a classic, trendy or unique name for your baby.

After landing on which type of name you’d like, focus your attention on lists that cater to those names. Several websites have lists geared towards a particular name style.

If you find you are still not connecting with any of the names you’ve come across, try these unique ways for choosing your baby’s name.

1. Research family names – Your Grandmother’s name or your mother’s middle name may be some of the first on your list but dig deeper. Ask your parents for Great and Great-Great Grandparents’ names. You never know what you’ll find.

2. Look for literary names – Make a list of your favorite reads (both current and classic) and look through the characters. Some of the most beautiful names are present in literature. Baby Center has great baby name inspiration lists including one of literary characters.

3. Consider unique bible names – You don’t have to think hard to come up with Matthew, Mark, Luke or John but what about Asher or Judah or any of the other 12 Tribes of Israel for example? (Although I’d steer clear of Zebulun.)

4. Grab a map and look at city names – This could be really fun. What are some of your favorite places? Any that ring well with your last name?

5. Think of what you’d like the name to mean and do a reverse search – Several websites have this feature including Baby Center and BabyNames.com Both of these sites have great lists as well.

Whether or not you want to attach deep meaning to your baby’s name, I would encourage you to deeply consider the words you are speaking over their life with their name. What do you want them to become? What character traits do you hope they will develop?

My daughter’s name is Caroline Hope which essentially means “song of hope.” We named her after a long battle with infertility and multiple miscarriages and we wanted her name to reflect our journey. My son’s name is Joshua Kent. Joshua means “God is salvation” or “Jehovah rescues.” We also struggled to conceive Joshua, endured more losses and then became pregnant with him after the doctor said it would not happen (more on his miracle conception here). His name reflects our journey and considering the life of Joshua in the Bible. . .who was called to be “strong and courageous” – we new this was a name that would speak life and truth over our son’s life. His middle name is that of my husband and his father as well. It’s a family name that means “handsome.” Who wouldn’t want to speak that over their son?!

Note: The adorable shirt I am wearing in the photo above was purchased through CafePress.com I do not believe they make them any longer as I searched and searched to find one to wear while pregnant with Joshua. If anyone finds them elsewhere, please let us know!

 How did you choose your baby’s name? Was it hard or easy to name your baby? What advice would you give to expectant parents on naming their baby?

Last month when we attended Blissdom, we had the privilege of meeting several of the amazing sponsors. Of course my favorite booth was Hershey’s. Those that know me know that chocolate is a weakness for me. Actually, I think weakness is an understatement. And if I love chocolate than I adore, no, I’m in love with chocolate and peanut butter. I am pretty sure we’ll be dining on Reese’s peanut butter eggs (they are even better than the cups) in heaven – guilt free of course, what with it being heaven and all. This week I’m excited to share some of my favorite Easter memories with you as part of Hershey’s Hop on the Bunny Trail. You can find some great ideas, recipes and products on the site so check it out this week. There is still time to plan your Easter memories!

My earliest memories of Easter include finally getting to wear heels at age 8 (they were iridescent), meals with family (either in a home or taking over a local restaurant with my largely awesome, Italian family) and of course – hoping and praying there would be a large peanut butter egg in my Easter basket. Not just any PB egg would do though. It had to be Reese’s. Everything else was simply second rate.

This past year we welcomed our second child and completed our family (as far as we know…we are, of course open if the Lord would lead us to adopt in the future). The holidays seem different to me now, as a mom who feels her nest is full. If ever I wanted to start family traditions, I should start them now. Now that both my children would benefit. Being a Christian family we believe Easter is a celebration of the death and resurrection of Christ. My children will not understand this for several years so I’ve been thinking of ways to celebrate the holiday in ways that will build up to their full understanding. It’s easy to tell a preschooler that Christmas is Jesus’ birthday…the day he was born and came to live here on Earth. But how can I express the day he died? Or harder yet, the day he miraculously rose again?

I have always been that mom who over-explains things to her kids.

“Mommy is going to change your diaper now so you can be all clean for your nap.” {I said to my 3 week old}

“Do you understand why mommy said you can’t touch that? It could hurt you.” {I said to my 6 month old}

“Grandma is in heaven with Jesus. Sometimes Jesus decides not to heal us on earth. He decides it’s time for us to live with him in heaven.” {I said to my 3 year old}

But this time it’s different. I haven’t even tried to explain Easter. I’m letting it be about family and Easter egg hunts and of course, Reese’s peanut butter eggs. I’m learning the more I try to make them understand, the more I water down the truth. They will come to know what we believe as they observe our lives and as I’m given the words that match their understanding (through God’s grace). In all my Easter memories I can’t remember my parents sitting me down and telling me the details of the Easter story. I’m sure they did at some point but it’s not what I remember. I remember joy and family. I remember sharing and giving. I remember that Easter meant something deep to them because it was the foundation of their faith. They didn’t have to put that into words. Their very lives expressed it.

This year, as I reflect on my own Easter memories, I am committed to making age-appropriate memories with my little ones. Bring on the joy. Bring on the fun. Bring on the abundant feast. After all, it was the sacrifice of Jesus’ life that provides all these things.

What are some of your favorite Easter memories? How do they affect how you share Easter with your children?

Well…I had planned to post yesterday but my sweet girl broke her leg on the trampoline Wednesday afternoon. So our world has been turned a bit upside down. I am feeling a tremendous amount of grace as we look toward 8 weeks of an immobile preschooler along with my becoming mobile 8 month old. Maybe I’m in denial but I am very optimistic about why lies ahead. I know his grace will continue to see us through and I am determined to take it one day at a time.

I am resting in his promise…“My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Whatever you are facing in this season, his grace is sufficient for you. Praying for all of you that are dealing with life’s inconveniences or struggles. He will see us through.

What are you dealing with this month? How can we be praying for you?

And if you’ve had a preschooler with a broken leg, I’d love any advice you can offer!

You may have read Dr. Rupe’s very brave, balanced post about home birth earlier this week. She wrote it in response to Jeff Goins’ challenge to write what we were most afraid to write and publish it. Since we share this writing space, I wanted to let her go first…and perhaps knowing she had done it made me feel just a little more brave.

Actually, my act of bravery will not be this post. I’ve never been afraid to write my deepest thoughts. No, my act of bravery was attending the Blissdom conference because what I’m most afraid of is relating to strangers face to face.

There. I said it.

Hello. My name is Jessica and I’m afraid of people.

Those who know me are scratching their heads right now. I have no problem relating to people I am comfortable with. Some might say I’m very personable, even funny at times.

But if you are a woman (especially) and I don’t know you, I’m terrified of introducing myself and making small talk.

What if she doesn’t like me? What if she thinks I’m dorky or boring? And for goodness sake, what if she thinks I look bad in this outfit?

Yup, these are the questions that plague my mind every time I meet someone new. So…you can imagine the turmoil going on inside my heart during a bloggers conference. 600+ fabulous women in one place – many of whom know each other already. It was like the first day at a new school. Thankfully I went along with a few great friends otherwise I would have wandered like the new kid in a crowded lunch room.

The women we had the privilege to connect with we’re so incredibly personable and warm. My only disappointment was the regular response we received to our blog niche (pronounced niche like quiche, not niche like b*!ch someone said this weekend),

Blogger: What do you blog about?

Me: We write about trying to conceive, pregnancy, postpartum and being a mom to little ones.

Blogger: Oh, cool. I’m way passed that stage of my life but good for you.

I shouldn’t be surprised. Not only is our blog a niche…it’s a niche niche. Christian pregnancy?! How niche can you get?

I don’t believe any of the gals we met meant anything negative. They were simply stating the facts. But it really got me thinking…

Are we not to be taken seriously as bloggers because we write so specifically? Will our community miss out on the wisdom of all those moms and bloggers who have retired their uterus?

NO!

Here is what I wish I would have said to those I met this weekend:

How amazing that your family is complete! Our passion is to minister to women who are still in the process of building their family – some actually fighting infertility and loss to establish theirs. We’d love for you to join our community so you can contribute your experience and wisdom to the conversation.

We want this community to cross seasonal, generational and preferential barriers. Our common denominator is faith and motherhood – whether you are already there or just beginning your journey to get there (and that goes for faith and motherhood).

I love the healthy, balanced conversation that happened this week about home birth. We want to keep discussing those topics that moms and moms-to-be are dealing with in a grace-based forum that ultimately encourages women to seek the Lord for their answers.

Well, now you know my heart for this community. I’m not sure I’ve ever shared it like this here. I wish I would have had the courage to really share what we are about at Blissdom. I suppose that’s why I write. I need a day or so to process my thoughts. I’m no good on the fly. But I’m sure I’ll have the opportunity to open up next year when I return. Because I will return. Because it was awesome! And I will do everything I can this year to grow so that I am a stronger, braver woman when meeting fabulous, new faces.

Now it’s your turn.

Tell us something about you or something you’d like to see in this community?

I want to be in relationship with our readers. Because I’m better with deep than I am with casual.

I’ve been reading this incredible book, Kisses from Katie. I’m sure many of you have heard of it. I’ll admit, I was reluctant to open the cover and commit after receiving it as a birthday gift from one of my best friends. She couldn’t say enough about how it would change my life but I was sure it would only make me feel like a loser for not giving my life to help orphans in a foreign land. But alas, it was time to start another book for my pre-lights out reading ritual and this one kept staring at me from my nightstand. The first night I read it, I couldn’t put it down. Surprisingly, instead of guilt, I felt an amazing rush of joy and peace as I closed the book that first night. I laid my head upon my pillow feeling inspired instead of accused and lighthearted instead of guilty.

If you haven’t picked up the book, I urge you to get it and open your heart to Katie’s inspiring story. What a remarkable young woman. A modern day Mother Theresa. I thought her story would make me feel guilty for not choosing a similar path but the way in which she honestly shares her journey made me feel encouraged instead. I am in awe of her choices and her strength yet I know that is not the path the Lord chooses for every one of us. Her story does, however, put in me a passion to do what I can from the place God has called me. I may not abandon every Western comfort to live in Africa and mother 13 children, but I can share the blessings he’s given me (both financial and spiritual) with those in need.

If I am convicted of one thing it’s that we have not brought enough attention to the cause he did lay on our hearts before we started the blog and released the book. My heart connected to Compassion International’s Child Survival Program the moment I heard about it. How could I care so much about the women around me getting the chance to have healthy, happy babies when women all over the world are robbed of this blessing due to poverty and lack of proper medical care? I quickly signed up for the program and for a mere $20 a month, I have the blessing of helping 38 mothers and their 40 children in Lenchani, Kenya. Through the program, these women receive food, medical care and training from pregnancy and through the early stages of motherhood until their children are eligible for Compassion’s Child Sponsorship program.

I urge you to read more about this program and ask the Lord if he would have you partner with us. Katie’s book truly opened my heart and mind to the numbers of children and families around the globe who are in need. Of course I knew this was the case but reading her detailed account of life in Uganda brought faces and personalities to those numbers which makes the reality of the need more personal.

I do not ever want to be so wrapped up in my stuff that I forget about the needs of those around me – near and far. I pray we will all open our hearts to ask him to reveal our part in being his hands and feet to the world.

Knowing I’m called to compassion,

Jessica

My Mommy & Me

Dear Mom,

I’m so SORRY for all the times I THREW UP on you, POOPED on you, WOKE you up in the middle of the night, JUMPED on my bed after you repeatedly told me not to, acted BORED when there was plenty for me to do, REFUSED to eat the food you worked so hard to provide, acted UNGRATEFUL or SELFISH, blatantly DISOBEYED, INTERRUPTED when you were trying to talk, thought you DIDN’T KNOW ANYTHING, acted like I DIDN’T NEED YOU, FORGOT to say ‘I Love You’. . .

I finally know how you felt.

Please forgive me.

Well gotta go, the kids are screaming. . .

Love,

Your older and (hopefully) wiser daughter

{No, we are not closing the blog or taking the book off the shelves. Keep reading and you’ll see exactly what “shop” I’m closing up this year.}

My sweet miracle boy

As I write this, I am sitting in Dr. Rupe’s office waiting for a procedure that will permanently prevent me from becoming pregnant again. It seems oddly monumental to be putting an end to my season of infertility and child bearing. After all of the longing and waiting and struggle, it’s almost ironic to be “closing up shop” as I like to say.

I hope that this post does not create controversy. I’m simply sharing my story, not trying to posture my beliefs on birth control and pregnancy prevention. It’s an extremely personal decision that should be deeply covered in prayer. My husband and I feel very peaceful about our decision. We believe the Lord has completed our biological family (we are open to adoption in the future) and with my history of miscarriage, it feels almost irresponsible for me to get pregnant by surprise. So we are taking the steps we feel led to take in order to close this chapter of our lives and peacefully move forward.

Part of me is excited to move on…to put all of the energy I used to spend on hoping and praying for children into loving and leading them. Yet, there’s a part of my heart that is grieving…the hope, the excitement and the joy of new life. Never again will I feel those tiny baby flutters inside my belly. Never again will I experience the breathtaking miracle of childbirth. As long as it took to travel this road and as hard as the journey was, in hindsight it was a mere blink of the eye.

“So as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so through Christ our comfort also overflows.” 2 Corinthians 1:5

My dad and I were talking this morning about how suffering was built into the cross of Christ. It was part of his story and thus it is part of ours. But the purpose of our suffering is to bring deeper intimacy with Jesus. I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again…I often miss the sweetness that came with the sorrow of infertility and loss. It drew me so close to Jesus. As I stand here, at a major crossroad of my adult life I pray that I can take what I’ve learned about suffering and carry it with me through every season ahead of me. In those moments when I feel like a mothering failure…when I think my children will never “get it”…someday if I lose a loved one…or if we hit a financial hardship…may I allow the reality of his presence to carry me through. Whatever it takes to keep me desperately clinging to him, that I will joyfully bear.

Thank you for allowing me to share my journey so openly here. It’s been wonderfully therapeutic to get it all out in the blogosphere and I feel like I’ve been surrounded by a community of women – some on a similar journey and some on an altogether different path – all cheering me on from the sidelines. I pray this blog does the same for all of you no matter where you are. We are in this together and once we are on the other side of child-bearing, we can hopefully walk together in child-rearing {Man, do I need support there! And I thought getting pregnant was hard…}.

My deepest desire for this blog is to use what he has taught me through this journey to love and support all of you. I am committed to hearing from him on all he has for me to share in the future. But that does NOT mean we will stop talking about infertility, miscarriage and trying to conceive. That is part of both my and Dr. Rupe’s hearts and stories and it’s a large part of the reason we wrote the book and started this ministry. I suppose this post is a bit self-indulgent. I just felt I needed to express my innermost thoughts and utmost gratitude to you, my Pregnancy Companion community. Thank you again for walking with me.

Looking forward to where he leads next,

Jessica

I can hardly believe this year is almost over! It’s been a very full year for my family….including sad loss, miracle life and a ton of transition. The fact that we’ve come to the end of 2011 in one piece, full of joy and excited about the future is a great testimony to the grace of God!

Earlier in the fall I wrote a post about family prayers, sharing how the Lord led me to write and pray specific prayers over my husband and children in order to contend for specific things in their lives while celebrating the uniqueness of each of them. I want to revisit the idea and challenge us all to write and pray specific prayers as we turn the calendar and enter 2012. I can’t think of a better time to focus on the power of prayer in our family life. What are you believing for your husband and children in 2012? In what areas do they need growth and breakthrough? What challenging personality traits do you need to embrace and celebrate? I find that writing an honest and heartfelt prayer for these things allows me to focus my otherwise busy mind on what matters most.

I encourage you…take an hour or so over the next few days…sit down with your journal and a cup of something warm…and write your heart out to God on behalf of your family.

First, ask him to reveal to you the wonderful uniqueness of each family member. Thank him for their life.

Next, ask him to show you how you can stand in the gap for them this year. Areas of growth, challenges, awaited miracles.

Then, write a prayer for each of them.

Try to keep each prayer to a paragraph. 4-6 sentences. This way you can print them out and keep them in your bible or maybe on your bathroom mirror or in the car. Somewhere you will see them daily and remember to pray. Try making a prayer card for each one {like this one}. You can write answers to your prayers {with the date} below your prayers throughout the year. Then, put them together to make a prayer journal for each of your family members.

I am committed to walking through this process again because I believe these prayers may need to be adjusted on a regular basis. I look forward to 2012 with great anticipation of all God has in store for my family. Let’s do our part moms to cover our loved ones and expect great things for them in the coming year.

Praying with you,

Jessica