I don’t consider myself an advocate for infertility per se. More of a silent contender for those whose stories read a lot like my own. I’m not storming the hill like other amazing women but I am storming the gates of heaven begging God {much like I did for myself} to have mercy on women who are simply longing for what He creates – life.

I navigated through my journey of infertility with my faith as my guide. And now, I help lead this community of women, hoping to encourage those who are in the waiting, those who are just setting out on their path or those who have traveled so long they’ve lost sight of the destination. One of my greatest life passions is to share my story so that others know they are not alone and so that those who can, will make provisions for the millions of women who struggle to conceive.

I truly believe that if we are open, we can grow through whatever we go through. But the truth is, the journey to “the other side” is often long and always hard. Knowing your body doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do – can’t create or hold or grow life as it was meant to  – is one of the most confusing, maddening, heart-breaking realizations. It’s just plan unfair.

We will never fully overcome the injustice of infertility because it will never go away. But together, we can rise up as a community of family fighters that will not rest until others begin to understand what it’s like to feel broken and incomplete. We must not rest until we find a way to communicate our stories in ways that others understand – enough to do something about it.

This is why, although I’m “on the other side” of infertility, I will reach back across the fence and grasp the hands of my sisters – to steady them, comfort them and fight with them – until they can join me in seeing their dream come true.

No matter what the other side looks like for you, you WILL be better for having crossed over. . .for having endured years of hoping, waiting, and fighting for your family. And when you find yourself standing within the fulfillment of your deepest longing, I pray you’ll also reach back for those who need you to continue to fight.

Infertility has given me strength.

Infertility has given me gratitude.

Infertility has given me compassion.

Infertility has given me perspective.

I am a better woman for having endured and overcome my battle of infertility. I fought for my family and I pray strength and grace and provision for others in the midst of their battle.

Will you join me in the movement to bring awareness to those fighting for family?

{Photo Credit}

Friends, it’s infertility awareness week. I have been reflecting my journey and praying for those that find themselves longing for a child. Will you join us in praying and believing for LIFE to come to the over 10% of women who are struggling to conceive? Please share this message with others in your sphere and let’s storm the gates of heaven with prayers of healing and miracle life.

If you are struggling to conceive, please get in touch with us so we can be praying for you specifically.

He sees and he hears your cry. Trust him as you journey. Your story is being written and it’s not finished yet.

{Photo Credit}

Statistically more babies are born in October than any other month of the year. Actually the entire fall is crazy busy throughout the maternity ward. That means a lot of you are likely considering getting pregnant right now. The internet is chock full of ‘hints’ on improving fertility, but it is loaded with an equal amount of anxiety-provoking misinformation as well.  So what really works and what’s merely an old wives tale? Here’s what the most recent studies say:

1. Have sex

Have sex everyday or every other day for 5 days before and 5 days after ovulation.  Ovulation usually occurs  2 weeks before your period starts. Do not have sex more than once a day {Ain’t Nobody got time for that!} as that can lead to diluted semen.

Things that do not effect chances of conception:

• Female orgasm
• Sexual position
• Female position after sex

NO, it will not help if you stand on your head afterward. Neither is there a top secret magic sexual position that improves your chances of getting pregnant.

What may effect conception: lubrication. The best lubricants for fertility are canola oil, mineral oil or Pre-Seed.

2. Don’t smoke

Smoking is the culprit for up to 13% of all cases of infertility. Either partner’s smoking can effect their ability to conceive. The effects of smoking on your reproductive system can take up to a year to be reversed. There are so many reasons to quit smoking, but here is another excellent one: it can help make you more fertile.

3. Maintain a healthy weight

A BMI between 17-27 is ideal for conception. Recent studies report >60% of the US population are overweight. In some instances, being overweight can lead to higher insulin level, which can inhibit ovulation. This is a condition know as PCOS. (I did an entire series on it in the fall). In other instances, overweight women will have regular cycles (meaning they are ovulating) but still be subfertile. The good news is that even a modest weight loss of 10% of body weight can improve fertility.

Being too thin can also lead to subfertility. Your body senses that you don’t have enough reserves to handle the added nutritional demands of a pregnancy, so your brain tells your ovaries to shut down, causing your periods and ovulation to cease. This is often seen in cases of eating disorders.

4. Exercise in moderation

For women with a BMI of >25, exercise was found to cause a slight improvement in fertility. However women with a BMI of <25, who exercised vigorously > 4 hours a week were found to have a slightly decreased fertility.

Much like being too thin can shut down ovulation, extreme athletes like marathon runners and dancers can go through times of no cycles (no ovulation) when training intensely.

A man’s level of exercise has not been shown to effect fertility, with the one exception.  Men who bicycle > 5 hours a week were found to have lower sperm counts.

5. Healthy diet

Is there a magic food that will make you pregnant? No. However there have been several large studies looking at the diets of women with a history of infertility who become pregnant.

The dietary recommendations based on this study:

• Get the majority of your protein from plants
• Eat high fat dairy food
• Take a multivitamin with iron
• Eat complex carbohydrates

Another smaller study has supported the Mediterranean Diet to improve fertility.

Celiac Disease (gluten sensitivity), if undiagnosed or untreated, can lead to infertility. The treatment for gluten sensitivity is to follow a gluten  free diet.

6. Limit caffeine

It is recommended to limit caffeine to less than 300 mg a day. Here’s a helpful chart to know how much Starbucks you can drink.

7. Alcohol in moderation

While a little wine might be helpful in conception (wink-wink); excess intake may inhibit fertility. Studies show that consuming >14 alcoholic drinks a week has an adverse effect on fertility in both women and men. Consuming 3-13 drinks per week had a a slight negative effect on the woman’s fertility in some studies; but none on the man’s. Three or fewer drinks a week had no effect on fertility. There is no safe amount of alcohol in pregnancy, so once the stick turns pink, then you should abstain completely.

8. Know when to see a physician

Most couples will conceive within 6 months of trying, with 85% becoming pregnant within one year. If you are less than 35 and have regular menstrual cycles (every 21-35 days), it is recommended to see a doctor if you haven’t conceived after one year of trying. If you are over 35, it’s recommended to see a doctor after 6 months of trying.  If you do not have regular cycles or if you experience severe pain with your period or intercourse, you should see a doctor right away.

There is not a magic formula for conceiving. No magic food or sexual position that guarantees quicker results. What does work best is being healthy and regular sexual activity.

Hopefully your journey to pregnancy will be a smooth. Check out this previous post on recommendations for the first trimester once you do conceive.

In the meantime, enjoy the process!

What is the craziest home remedy or fertility “cure” you have heard?

{Photo Credit}

Patient #1 - “Lucy” is a new patient who recently got married and relocated to my city. She is coming to see me to discuss fertility. Her inability to conceive despite 3 months of trying has left her feeling frustrated. She breaks down into tears during the visit, “It’s not fair. ALL my friends are pregnant, when is it going to happen for me?”

Patient #2 - “Diane” is a long term patient, seeing me for her yearly well woman check. Reviewing the chart before walking into the room, I notice that for the last 4 years she had told me that she was considering trying to conceive. When I brought this up to the patient, she stated that she wanted to have children, but it never seemed like the perfect time. She wanted to wait one more year to get a few more things in order financially.

“Lucy” is 19 and “Diane” is 38. My examples might appear extreme, but I see these scenarios on a weekly basis.

Determining when to have your first child is a personal decision based on a multitude of factors. There is rarely a ‘perfect time’ to have a baby, but there are areas of your life that are helpful to have in order before you embark on the adventure of parenthood. Children are a beautiful gift, no matter when they come, but I am often asked what is the optimal time to have a baby. With half of all pregnancies being unplanned, some couples do not have the privilege of getting their ducks in order first, but for those who get a chance to plan accordingly, here are some issues to consider.

Age

Tick. Tick. Tick. Many of us have heard the all too real alarm of our biological clock blaring. One of the biggest concerns of most women is age. While age is an important factor when considering fertility it should not be taken as the only indication to have a baby.

Women are most fertile between the ages of 20-24. Fertility then begins to decline at age 30 and then more sharply at 37. Miscarriage rates begin to increase after age 35, reaching upwards of 5o% after age 40. I don’t put those numbers out there to strike fear in your heart, but to give you a realistic picture of human fertility. Yes, in an ideal world it would be best to complete your family before the age of 30, but I have many patients with healthy pregnancies in their 30′s and 40′s. It is by all means possible to have babies in your 40′s, but statistically the chances of conception do decrease with age.

The risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome and other genetic abnormalities increases with maternal age as well.

Here’s the numbers:
At the age of 20 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 2000
At the age of 35 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 250
At the age of 40 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 69
At the age of 45 your risk of having a baby with Down’s syndrome is 1 in 19

Let’s look at the numbers another way. What’s your chances of having a baby that DOESN’T have Down’s syndrome?
At the age of 20 i’ts 99.995%.
At the age of 35 it’s 99.6%.
At the age of 40 it’s 98.6%.
At the age of 45 it’s 94.8%.

 Health

It’s is best to conceive when you are at a healthy weight. Ideally a BMI between 17-27 is associated with the best chance of conceiving and having a healthy pregnancy.

All chronic medical conditions should be stable for 6 months before getting pregnant. Talk to your doctor if you have diabetes, high blood pressure, lupus, hypothyroid or other chronic diseases to make sure you are stable on medication that is safe in pregnancy for 6 months before conceiving.

Marriage

“Taking care of a colicky baby has really enriched our marriage!” said NO COUPLE EVER.

As I see women in my office for their annual checkups, I have noted several times over the years where a patient comes in to discuss getting pregnant in one visit, then sadly the next year she is divorced.

Having a baby is one of the most amazing experiences of your life. It is also very hard and stressful. A baby should never be looked at as a way to save or improve an already rocky relationship. It is going to test your relationship, so you want to make sure that you are starting in a solid place.

A lot of marriage experts recommend being married between 3-5 years before adding kids to the mix. Take the time to invest in each other and build a stable marriage before kids.

Ideally you want to limit the number of major life events that occur around the same year as having a baby such as moving, changing jobs or getting married. All of these add additional stress to your life and relationship.

Finances/Career

I recently prescribed a medication to help a patient conceive. She called the office later stating it was too expensive and requested samples. The medication was $25.

If $25 is straining your budget, you probably can’t afford a baby right now.

You do not have to be rich to have a baby, but you do need to have financial stability. A steady income and health insurance are a must, while 3 -6 months of savings in the bank, a budget, and plan for childcare would be ideal.

God’s Timing

You and your spouse should be in full agreement on your decision to start your family. As you prayerfully consider the timing, you should each feel a sense of peace about the journey. There are always moments in your parenting journey where you say to yourself, ‘What was I thinking?’ If you know from the start that you are following God’s timing for your life, then you will have an added level of reassurance on the long days of two year old tantrums.

In today’s society, there are not many couples who are going to be financially stable and married for 3 years by age 25 in order to be done with their families by age 30. These are all recommendations to help provide guidance, not rigid rules. There must be a balance between my examples of Lucy and Diane. You can’t wait until everything is perfect or it might not happen, and you can’t live in fear of getting too old and rush into kids before you are truly ready either.

Despite the best of our own planning, God has a way of putting our family together just the way it was meant to be, in His perfect timing.

 What do you think is the most important factor in starting a family?

A while back I did a post on my life with PCOS. I was in the middle of trying to conceive our second child and we’d had several set backs. That post was honest and a bit sad but hopeful. A few months later I conceived miraculously and that sweet boy is now 15 months old.

I have my babies but I still have PCOS. And although I’m not facing the challenge of fertility any longer, I daily face the challenges of living with this condition. I shared in that post that I felt like my body was broken – that it didn’t do what it was supposed to do (easily produce babies). We got it to do that but there are so many other things it’s not doing well. And I’m left with the choice to live with a broken body or to fight for wholeness, even if it might take a bit more work than I’d like.

Dr. Rupe has shared some amazing information and tips for those of us living with PCOS in her series this month. As my contribution in honor of PCOS Awareness Month, I wanted to share my point of view as a patient along with some encouragement for how we can get our bodies on track.

Like me, you may feel like you are broken because your body isn’t working properly. Much like those that live with diseases or disabilities, it can be discouraging and frustrating to feel less than whole. But I believe that He works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28) and therefore good can come out of a place of lack. I’ve spent the past year since my second (and last) child was born in denial about what it’s going to take to get my body to a good place. Worn out from life with a baby (and a preschooler), I didn’t want to face it. But the time has come and Dr. Rupe’s posts have been a great encouragement for me to get off my butt and fight for my health. In this post she said, “The metabolism of  PCOS is really just not fair. Your girlfriends can pig out on pizza on the weekend and still fit in their skinny jeans, meanwhile, you walk past a bag of Oreos and gain 5 pounds. Acceptance that this is how your metabolism works is a key first step. You must learn to treat yourself like a diabetic. A higher protein, lower carb diet is going to be your best bet.“

She’s right. It isn’t fair. I hate that I have to deal with this but sometimes life isn’t fair. I can think of a million worse, unfair things that people have to deal with. “Injustice” (that seems dramatic but stay with me here) should lead us to fight not cower in defeat. So friends, it’s time. It’s time to redirect all of my fighting energy that I once put into conceiving my children to taking care of myself and beating this thing called PCOS. I hope those of you that struggle with it will join me. If we have enough girls in our community, perhaps we can form an accountability group. I’ll admit, I’m scared to death to put this out there. I’m not the most disciplined person in the world and I often give up before I overcome. But I cannot look only to myself for strength to do this. I am trusting the Lord to provide everything I need because He desires that we are healthy and whole beings, at our best to do what He’s called us to do.

5 Ways to Beat PCOS (or any weight issue)

1. Find Your Motivation – For me, my motivation was once the desire to conceive. Now, it’s the desire to be healthy so I can keep up with my kids and be a good example for them. While I was pregnant with my 1st, I had gestational diabetes. I was put on a strict diet and ended up losing 20 lbs while pregnant. I’d never lost 20 lbs in my life. I was motivated by the desire to keep my baby safe and have a healthy delivery. But once I delivered, my motivation was no longer there and I blew it. Gained it all back. I failed to find the motivation to keep it off. Let’s find our motivation and keep it at the forefront of our life.

2. Find Your Support System - Whether it’s your husband, girlfriends, mom or a personal trainer – find someone (or a few people) to keep you accountable. Don’t neglect to vocalize your goals because you are afraid you might fail. Put it out there. No one is going to fault you for falling short. The important thing is that you try and work hard to meet your goals. Let’s put together a support system of people we trust that will cheer us along the way.

3. Find Your Strategy for Exercise – This week I started the couch to 5K program. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while. Now that I have both kids in mother’s day out, I have the time to spend on “training.” I chose this plan because it is simple, goal oriented and attainable. Perhaps you don’t have time without your child(ren) at all. Talk with your spouse or family members and find a way to fit in some workout time. Dr. Rupe said working out is not an option, it’s a command. We have to do it. I don’t enjoy working out which is why I never worked hard to find a strategy for doing so. But we have to get moving. Even if you just put on some music and dance around with your kids, you are doing more than you were before. Put on a workout DVD and let them play around you while you exercise. It may not be the ideal situation but at least you are starting somewhere. Let’s find a strategy for exercising regularly that is simple and attainable.

4. Find Your Plan for Healthy Eating – Dr. Rupe gave us some good tips in her post last week for eating with PCOS. I am determined to get back to the plan that I followed when I had gestational diabetes because it worked for me. Low and controlled carb intake is key for women with PCOS. Talk with your doctor or a local nutritionist about what plan would be best for you. But don’t over think it. Making small changes can also do a lot for your body. In addition to the low carb plan, some of the small changes I will be making are:

- Drinking more water (I’ve gotten in a bad habit of drinking more coffee than water)

- Eating a more well-rounded breakfast to start my day

- Eating out less (also a bad habit we’ve gotten into with busyness)

- Allowing myself small treats instead of the full size daily ones I have been eating (I adore chocolate)

I will be posting this list on my fridge as a reminder to myself that I must follow these guidelines. As I said in The Pregnancy Companion book, making healthy choices happens one choice at a time. Don’t think about the life change that has to happen overall at first. Let’s try to make the best choice, one choice at a time.

5. Find Ways to Reward Yourself – I have a picture on my fridge of a shirt from my favorite store that I am going to buy myself when I lose 10 lbs. Not only will losing 10 lbs give me the reward of buying a cute shirt, I will look much better in said shirt after I’ve lost 10 lbs. So it’s a win, win! Find small ways to reward your progress. Give yourself something to look forward to for working hard and reaching your goals. Let’s find ways to tell ourselves “you deserve {insert awesome and motivating reward here} because you overcame the obstacle of PCOS!”

Friends, I am excited about this new season. I am fueled with a passion to beat this annoying, challenging and unfair condition. I want to thrive in my life as a woman, a wife, a mom. . .I don’t want to be bogged down by the unhealthy effects of PCOS.

Will you join with me?

{Photo used courtesy of Creative Commons}

Dear Mother Yet-To-Be,

I can hear the ache in your heart. It echos loudly in mine -

because I was once a mother yet-to-be.

I understand the longing unfulfilled, the questions, the pain. You wonder why you’ve yet to be chosen. . .chosen to lavish love on another like only you could. You wonder why you must wait while countless others go before you.

Oh how I understand. How I know the deep well of longing that often drowns all other aspects of life.

Your heart begs to know. . .What is so wrong with wanting to love with a mother love? How could this request go unnoticed. . . unanswered for so long?

You find yourself treading the path of bitterness and empathy yet you fight to keep your joy…

your peace…

your hope.

Oh dear mother yet-to-be, if I could I would kneel down to where you are, hold your face gently in the cup of my hands and wipe away your longing tears. I would whisper softly. . .

Mothers aren’t chosen. They are born.

They are born the moment a woman begins to long for life.

And as the Heavenly Father begins to fill your heart with hope, I would boldly say. . .

Stand.

Stand up dear mother. Stand up and fight for your family.

Let His faithful heart of favor reveal His plan for your children. . .

Then rise up with your mother heart and walk in confidence to contend for what is yet t0 be.

Because it will be.

{This post is part of the Mother Letters link up. I encourage you to check out this beautiful and powerful book written by several amazing mothers with a heart to minister to YOU and me.}

Many of you already know my story but I had the great privilege to guest post for my friend Shelley Hendrix this week, sharing how hope changed everything in my life. Shelley is the lovely brains and heart behind Church 4 Chicks, a wonderful ministry to women in the Atlanta area. God is doing great things through her ministry and you may be able to find Church 4 Chicks in your area sometime soon. We’ll also be seeing other things from Shelley like a brand new book coming in the next year. I’ll be sure to tell you about it when the book is available.

My daughter’s name is Hope . . . because her life came after a season of longing, waiting, suffering and loss. I had always wanted children and I suppose I thought my mere desire would lead to its reality. I never imagined I would have to contend for something that God created me to be – a mother. After being diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), I knew my journey to motherhood would be longer than the average girl. Two years and two miscarriages later, Hope was born.

Through the process I learned so much about my relationship with Christ. Although I did not want to imagine going through anything worse than I had been through, I remember feeling a sense that this was preparing me for some greater trial.

We simply don’t know what the Lord is going to require of us. . .

{Hop on over to www.shelleyhendrix.org to read more. . .}

Both Dr. Rupe and I have the great privilege of walking through life with a dear friend, Donna. She has been there for both of us through joy and pain. This past month she shared a piece she wrote with Dr. Rupe in mind. I can honestly say she took the words right out of my heart. I weep every time I read these words because I have been on the receiving end of this sweet and honest, “I’m sorry. . .”

I pray that those who have experienced or will experience loss have the gift of a provider who feels your grief. If not, know that we do and we pray for you often (even if we don’t know your name). And most of all -  the giver of life. . .the One who knows your name. . .knows your pain and He loves you.

Thank you Donna for so beautifully expressing something so many of us have walked through. You are a treasure.

“I’m sorry,” she said, as she bowed her head, then looked up into my eyes.
The words she said, caused my heart to dread and I began to cry.

Her credentials gave her authority, her practice showed success.
The office ran efficiently, with staff and partners who impressed.

Her coat of white or scrubs of green, were symbolic of how she’d trained.
Skilled and talented, a gift it seemed, for a practice of joy and pain.

“I’m sorry…” She used no fancy phrases to hide her own unease.
No empty words, no false assurances, her own pride to appease.

“I’m sorry…” No sweeter words, nor more with power when said with such humbled heart.
For I saw she knew, from her own past pain, how deeply my loss hurt.

“I’m sorry…” Shining eyes from tears unshed, with a tender touch to my hand.
She eased the sting of truth she shared, and comforted instead.

My hopes now crushed, my dreams now gone, she could have dashed away.
“I’m sorry,” she said, with a broken voice, then sat next to me and stayed.

So, when finally I left, new plans to be made I walked slowly down the hall.
Where pictures of life I’d never hold lined almost every wall.

But her door was cracked, the room was dark with just enough light to see.
There her Bible open, and tissue in hand; I heard faith filled words for me.

No way to fix my brokenness or change my heart deep feelings.
But in that moment, paused in time, her prayer began my healing.

dmh 6/2011

Last week Dr. Rupe asked if she could do a post about my delivery. She wasn’t sure if I would have time in these first few, crazy weeks to blog about Joshua’s birth. I was excited to read her point of view on the day’s events and I believe she captured it perfectly (with one exception, according to his birth certificate, he was actually born at 4:56pm, not 4:57 but close enough). I’m sitting here in the stillness of my living room. . .filled with diapers and wipes, baby gear and antibacterial gel, and one, little, precious, sleeping baby boy (Hope is at mother’s day out today) so I thought I would take this quiet time to also reflect on my son’s birth. Thank you for allowing me to be self-indulgent on this blog. As I’ve mentioned before, I abandoned my personal blog (which had become a sort of journal for me) to focus on The Pregnancy Companion so I appreciate you letting me share my heart here on personal experiences. At least they are pregnancy related.

As Dr. Rupe said, on Saturday morning, July 2 I texted her because I thought my water had broken. It’s important to note that I was already 4cm dilated and 70% effaced at my last appointment so I had reason to suspect I might go into labor at any moment. Since I was induced last time, I had no idea what going into labor would actually feel like. I was apprehensive about my water breaking spontaneously. So many friends had different stories to tell but many said it was more like a leak than a gush of fluid. They also said it merely felt like they pee’d in their pants a little bit. Having done that before during my pregnancy (you can read that story and how it led to the creation of this book here) I just wasn’t sure I’d know the difference. I woke up Saturday morning and decided to take a shower and get ready, just in case. I felt like it might be the day because I was having mild but pretty regular contractions the night before. As I stood in the shower drying off, I felt some leaking. Could this be my water leaking or did I just pee on myself again? I got out and got dressed and as I was doing my hair, it happened again. But this time it was greater. I felt like I had total control of my bladder so I decided this was it. I texted Dr. Rupe to let her know. She told me to come on in.

We arrived at the hospital and they hooked me up. My amazing nurse, Rachel eventually checked me and said my water had in fact not broken as there was no presence of amniotic fluid that they could detect. I was, however, having pretty regular contractions so she would call Dr. Rupe to see what she wanted to do. I knew the U2 concert was just hours away and I told myself if I was going to have this baby and not ruin her evening with Bono, that I had to be in labor by 10am. We were a bit past my personal deadline and as much as I was ready to have this baby, I was sure Dr. Rupe would send me home to wait for more active labor to begin. To my surprise she decided to go ahead and put me on Pitocin as I was in the early stages of labor. She must have known it was a risk. . .that I might not deliver quite fast enough for her to make it to see U2, but my sweet friend and physician also knew that if she sent me home, I might just end up back there that night. We were definitely rolling the dice!

I’ll spare you the details because she explained them very well. Pitocin started. Contractions kicked in. Water broken for real this time with a giant knitting needle (and when done this way it’s a HUGE gush, I don’t mind telling you). Epidural ordered. Contractions picking up. Epidural in but not working. Epidural dosed up. Finally some relief (for about an hour, enough time to watch one episode of Friday Night Lights, my new addiction). Finally dilated to 7. Nurse assures me it will go quickly now. I’m hoping to deliver by 6 or 6:30 but I know that’s pushing it.

As I entered transition (roughly 7-10cm dilation), the epidural wore off on my right side. They had me laying on my side so gravity could do it’s work but still no relief. My left side was dead to the world (due to all of the extra doses) but the right felt everything. For that hour between 7-10cm (the nurse was right, it did go fast thank you Jesus), I felt the pain and pressure of every intense contraction. I was not prepared to labor like that but my nurse and my husband were amazing coaches. They kept trying to get the epidural to fully kick in but no luck. Finally, Rachel announced it was time to get ready to start pushing. Dr. Rupe wasn’t yet in the room and I hoped after all this she didn’t miss it. I felt like he could come quickly. I was incredibly nervous about pushing a baby out without a working epidural. This is not what I had signed up for! As they got ready to position me Dr. Rupe walked in the room and I was so relieved to see her. The nurses got me on my back and almost immediately I felt a rush of peace come over my body. I felt so relaxed and the pain on my right side disappeared. I truly believe that Christ’s power rested on me in that delivery room (2 Cor 12:9, from chp 8 in the book). After 10 minutes and 3 rounds of pushing (through three contractions), I finally saw my baby boy. Miraculous.

I’ll add to Dr. Rupe’s list, the last five years have also included:

about 75 ultrasounds

7 HCG shots

amazing provision for the countless checks written to a fertility clinic

thousands of tears of loss and pain

a million petitions for life and a family

a deep, deep friendship born out of longing and hope

and now, a complete family with one spirited, beautiful little girl and a sweet, new baby boy. Oh how we are blessed beyond comprehension. And if I could go back and rewrite my story to remove the waiting, the loss, the emotional and financial burden and still have the same outcome – I would not. I truly believe the processes God allows us to walk through in our lives shape us and mold us into the people he intends for us to be. I know he wept with us along the way and now rejoices in our dreams fulfilled. I am so thankful he entrusted us with this story and I hope I can encourage others as they continue to allow him to write their own.

Thank you all for sharing this journey with me.

Love,

Jessica